The Newsaholic Episode 14 - Geffrey, Jack & the Real Blood Chip
♪ I don't care about history, to me it's all a mystery [Caitlyn 12]
♪ I only worry about my homework tomorrow, it feels my brain with sorrow [Jack 14]
♪ Don't worry about things like tomorrow, say is there some money I can borrow [Mark 16]
♪ Ohwell you silly cat tell me more about life ♪ Don't worry I'll do after I finish off my wife [Geffrey] (The dad)
♪ Why the hell am I the last one that gets to speak, If I were a bird I would would peck you to death [Marjory] (The mom)
♪ Hey wait a minute this show isnt about silly old me, its about us humanity being what they could be [Rupert] (Cat)
Dad? Yes my son, what is it? Well, I kind of need a new computer, or rather a better video card. Howso, my son? Well, there's a new game coming out that makes use of the new RB Chip! RB Chip, what is that Jack? Well, it's the Real Blood Chip, which allows for ultra realistic blood on your computer screen! It's going to be mega awesome! Well, it's almost christmas, we'll see in a month. Dad are you teasing me? Hell yeah I am, you make enough money at your part time blood, I mean job, dad wants to see it in action!! Awesome, it'll take some of my christmas money. No it does not, you're going to repay me. Your mother is in charge of the presents so we cannot impede on her christmas budget. Okay, I have 174 Moneys and the card costs 300 moneys so I'll owe you 126 moneys. It'll take me 3 months to repay you in full dad, are you okay with that? As long as you let me use your computer when Marjory isn't home. Does mom disapprove of you still gaming sometimes? Well, she lets me do Tetris, but I have to avoid First Person Shooters and Fighting Games, and Racing Games. Basically everything! Damn dad, that's gotta be rough. Okay, deal, let's go to the media store. Which one? Let's go to Multi Mega Monopoly Outlet, prices are cheap there, I wonder why... *Geffrey and Jack get into the car and drive off*
...20 minutes later...
Okay Son, almost there! Yeah I can already see the sign! Okay, let's take this exit, it's the most convenient one. Awesome the parking lot is almost deserted at this moment, let's park as close as possible. *Geffrey parks the car and the two enter the store* Good evening, welcome to Multi Mega Monopoly Outlet, how may I help you? We're looking for blood! What? Oh sorry, a videocard with the Realistic Blood Chip! Oh, those are in isle four, you can recognize them by the box art. It's covered in blood you see. Thank you Ma'am! What, did you just say Ma'am? No, I said Man. Oh, sorry, I must have misheard...
...1 minute later...
Dad, dad, there they are. Which shall I get. I heard great things about the G-Splatter Pro 1080, Or should I go for the R-Bloodrain 3000? Well son, which one costs 300 Moneys? They only differ in price by 10 Moneys. You know what, I'll take the G-Splatter Pro 1080, it has bloodtracing which is called the Dexter Chip.
...2 minutes later...
That will be 309.99 Moneys sir. It's okay dad, I already wired my money to yours! Awesome, I'm gonna see some blood, wohoo. Now dad, that's no reason to get so exited. It's just you know, I miss those eighties movies. Sir, here's your receipt, which is also the guarantee and the return policy is printed at the back of the receipt. Thank you miss, have a fine evening, let's go son.
...60 minutes later...
So, it's finally installed and the drivers updated. Let's start up Mega Splatterfest...
[Computer] Booting up Mega Splatterfest...
Loading Textures... (5seconds)
Loading Enemies... (6seconds)
Loading Maps... (4seconds)
Loading Levels... (6seconds)
Loading Blood Textures (50seconds)
[Soundbite] Welcome to Mega Splatterfest where there's more blood flying around than then are pixels on screen. Press Start!
Okay dad, here we go, it's a good thing mom isn't home yet! Here I go, level one...
...3 minutes later...
Oh my god Jack, look at all that blood!! Yes, the point of this level is to fill the swimming pool with blood, since both sides are blocked you will have to swim accross. It's flowing so realisticly, kinda making me nauseous. Yeah, and don't forget the Blood Tracing, I mean, have you ever seen such realistic blood in a video game... Dad, why are you running to the toilet?... Ohshit mom is home, better turn this game off. Otherwise it'll be... Bla bla bla, voilence, bla bla, blood, bla too young...
Dear I'm home, phew, why do you smell like barf? Do I? Hmm, hadn't noticed. Children, mom's home and she brought two pizza's from Senior Pizza... [All 3] Wohooo...
The End...
Written by Rob van Loon 2019 (112119-01)
(META DATA: ATI RADEON GEFORCE RAYTRACING)
Sorry, I forgot the specs:
G-Splatter Pro 1080
Quad Core Processor 1480 Mhz
Memory Processor 1260 Mhz
8 Gigabyte Memory DDR6
Realistic Hair Chip
Realistic Breast Movement Chip
Raytracing Chip
Realistic Blood Chip
Dexter Chip
And last but not least the Multi Coorporation Chip which enables linking between cards...
♪ I only worry about my homework tomorrow, it feels my brain with sorrow [Jack 14]
♪ Don't worry about things like tomorrow, say is there some money I can borrow [Mark 16]
♪ Ohwell you silly cat tell me more about life ♪ Don't worry I'll do after I finish off my wife [Geffrey] (The dad)
♪ Why the hell am I the last one that gets to speak, If I were a bird I would would peck you to death [Marjory] (The mom)
♪ Hey wait a minute this show isnt about silly old me, its about us humanity being what they could be [Rupert] (Cat)
Dad? Yes my son, what is it? Well, I kind of need a new computer, or rather a better video card. Howso, my son? Well, there's a new game coming out that makes use of the new RB Chip! RB Chip, what is that Jack? Well, it's the Real Blood Chip, which allows for ultra realistic blood on your computer screen! It's going to be mega awesome! Well, it's almost christmas, we'll see in a month. Dad are you teasing me? Hell yeah I am, you make enough money at your part time blood, I mean job, dad wants to see it in action!! Awesome, it'll take some of my christmas money. No it does not, you're going to repay me. Your mother is in charge of the presents so we cannot impede on her christmas budget. Okay, I have 174 Moneys and the card costs 300 moneys so I'll owe you 126 moneys. It'll take me 3 months to repay you in full dad, are you okay with that? As long as you let me use your computer when Marjory isn't home. Does mom disapprove of you still gaming sometimes? Well, she lets me do Tetris, but I have to avoid First Person Shooters and Fighting Games, and Racing Games. Basically everything! Damn dad, that's gotta be rough. Okay, deal, let's go to the media store. Which one? Let's go to Multi Mega Monopoly Outlet, prices are cheap there, I wonder why... *Geffrey and Jack get into the car and drive off*
...20 minutes later...
Okay Son, almost there! Yeah I can already see the sign! Okay, let's take this exit, it's the most convenient one. Awesome the parking lot is almost deserted at this moment, let's park as close as possible. *Geffrey parks the car and the two enter the store* Good evening, welcome to Multi Mega Monopoly Outlet, how may I help you? We're looking for blood! What? Oh sorry, a videocard with the Realistic Blood Chip! Oh, those are in isle four, you can recognize them by the box art. It's covered in blood you see. Thank you Ma'am! What, did you just say Ma'am? No, I said Man. Oh, sorry, I must have misheard...
...1 minute later...
Dad, dad, there they are. Which shall I get. I heard great things about the G-Splatter Pro 1080, Or should I go for the R-Bloodrain 3000? Well son, which one costs 300 Moneys? They only differ in price by 10 Moneys. You know what, I'll take the G-Splatter Pro 1080, it has bloodtracing which is called the Dexter Chip.
...2 minutes later...
That will be 309.99 Moneys sir. It's okay dad, I already wired my money to yours! Awesome, I'm gonna see some blood, wohoo. Now dad, that's no reason to get so exited. It's just you know, I miss those eighties movies. Sir, here's your receipt, which is also the guarantee and the return policy is printed at the back of the receipt. Thank you miss, have a fine evening, let's go son.
...60 minutes later...
So, it's finally installed and the drivers updated. Let's start up Mega Splatterfest...
[Computer] Booting up Mega Splatterfest...
Loading Textures... (5seconds)
Loading Enemies... (6seconds)
Loading Maps... (4seconds)
Loading Levels... (6seconds)
Loading Blood Textures (50seconds)
[Soundbite] Welcome to Mega Splatterfest where there's more blood flying around than then are pixels on screen. Press Start!
Okay dad, here we go, it's a good thing mom isn't home yet! Here I go, level one...
...3 minutes later...
Oh my god Jack, look at all that blood!! Yes, the point of this level is to fill the swimming pool with blood, since both sides are blocked you will have to swim accross. It's flowing so realisticly, kinda making me nauseous. Yeah, and don't forget the Blood Tracing, I mean, have you ever seen such realistic blood in a video game... Dad, why are you running to the toilet?... Ohshit mom is home, better turn this game off. Otherwise it'll be... Bla bla bla, voilence, bla bla, blood, bla too young...
Dear I'm home, phew, why do you smell like barf? Do I? Hmm, hadn't noticed. Children, mom's home and she brought two pizza's from Senior Pizza... [All 3] Wohooo...
The End...
Written by Rob van Loon 2019 (112119-01)
(META DATA: ATI RADEON GEFORCE RAYTRACING)
Sorry, I forgot the specs:
G-Splatter Pro 1080
Quad Core Processor 1480 Mhz
Memory Processor 1260 Mhz
8 Gigabyte Memory DDR6
Realistic Hair Chip
Realistic Breast Movement Chip
Raytracing Chip
Realistic Blood Chip
Dexter Chip
And last but not least the Multi Coorporation Chip which enables linking between cards...
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