The Newsaholic Episode 13.1 - Rupert & Caitlyn in the News [112019-0A]

[Announcer] Welcome to News Tonight, here's your favorite host!!! [Talon] Last night an explosion happened at the mansion of Arnold Grunbaumachenacher. Chaniqua my cherry bonbon? [Chaniqua] I do have a high alcohol content but I'm in no way shape or form your bonbon. Apparently lhe last thing he heard before going deaf was meow. People, it seems that Genetically Engineered Housecats are still out there. So if you hear meow, say meow and call 1-800-EMERGENCY. The mansion of Arnold Grunbaumachenacher has been partially destroyed so he's currently residing in the Local Hotel till he has found a new residence. Since he does not know any sign language and still slightly traumatized and confused due to the explosion he has dropped out of the political race. [Talon] Fantastic reporting as always Chaniqua...

[Rupert Whisper] I know we did something great Caitlyn, but not a word about this to anyone! [Caitlyn Whisper] My lips are sealed!

[Talon] We will be back after the commercials with a story about a transvestite that refuses perfume and make up...

[Announcer] You hate counting sheep, try it now, Silence of the Lambs, it will put you in a 10 hour coma. Order now at www.fookyoo.local for only 12.99 Moneys, because, well, Fookyoo!! [Disclaimer] Please consult your physician before use!

[Announcer] Tonight on SDIA a professor that claims both Satanism and Mainstream religions are in fact evil... [Professor] You see, Christians hate the Devil, while Satanists hate God. Both parties are promoting hate, it's that constrictive darkness that holds those religions in place.

[Rupert] Caitlyn, I love you, never use those sleeping pills and stay away from religion. I mean, even though you're a girl, stay away from pastors and reverends. Also, like those transvestites use as little make up as possible. You're beautiful as you are righ meow and real beauty comes from the inside. No amount of make up meow can hide a soceopath... [Caitlyn] Thank you my cute little kitty, you want a treat? [Rupert] Is that code for joint? [Caitlyn] No you silly, there's a can of Tuna Paté from John West in the cupboard and there's french bread on the counter. [Rupert] You're a saint... [Caitlyn] Awww, who's my cute little kitty??? [Rupert] Me me me, meow get the Tuna!!!

Hope you enjoyed, written by Rob van Loon.

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