Talon's Eerste Stand Up Preview - On-Mens-Struatie [211119-0X]

Aangezien vrouwen zo gezellig zijn tijdens hun mens-struatie, zou het eigenlijk niet onmenstruatie moeten heten? In vele gevallen heb je in die periode een onderscheiding nodig in het ontwapenen van op scherp staande explosieven. Je kent het wel, je staat 's ochtends op, hoort zo'n briesend paarden geluid en je weet meteen hoe laat het is. Je hebt 5 centimeter deken te veel gepakt en mevrouw is getriggered. Het enige wat je dan in die situatie nog kan doen is op je Alcatel telefoontje een fake call instellen. Sorry schat, mijn werk belt, ik moet gaan! Waarom heb je nog zo'n ouderwets telefoontje zegt ze dan. Waarop ik antwoord, mijn baas wil dat ik altijd bereikbaar ben, en op die nieuwe telefoon van me internet ik teveel. Wat u niet doorheeft is dat ik tijdens en op die al buiten liep en terug naar huis aan het schreeuwen was. De bom stond immers op ontploffen.

 Kom ik een half uur later op mijn werk aan, heb ik vijf voicemails. Vijf man, fucking vijf, vijf fucking voicemails in een half uur tijd. Schat waar ben je nu, ik ben boos we moeten praten. Schat, ik ben nog even om te checken of je op kan nemen. Schat, heb je die voicemails gehad? Schat, ik wordt een beetje ongeduldig, wacht even mijn tampon verversen... Schat, mijn tampon is ververst en ik maak me erge zorgen over onze relatie, bel me zo spoedig mogelijk. U begrijpt het al mensen, dit is de dag om over te werken!

 Rob van Loon 2019 (R)

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