Newsaholic Season 1 Episode 12 - Busy Days in Town [110719-0B]
Kinda needs some work, but who am I to prevent you from reading this now, Enjoy!!!
*Ring* *Ring* [Rudolph] Yo this is Ruup! [Adolph] Ey Yo Nigga, this is Adolph, you know what I just read about on the internet? [Rudolph] The weather? Nah, I'm just joking, tell me! [Adolph] You know right how people were against the New Major. [Rudolph] You don't have to tell me, it was all over the new! [Adolph] Not everything, it turns out a bunch of niggas went and scalped a retard! [Rudolph] Am I hearing that correctly, a bunch of niggas scalped a retard? [Adolph] Yeah nigga, shit's crazy man, I really have to process this. Anyway my nigga cat, when are you coming by to record your demo, the studio is ready and I'm full of anticipation!!! [Rupert] How late do you wake up tomorrow morning? [Adolph] I want to kick these bitches out at 9 AM but I'm no Grunbau you know, so they'll probably be gone around ten. Lets meet up at ten thirty. [Rupert] Sounds of a plan, allright see you tomorrow morning. [Adolph] Aight my feline nigga, see you tomorrow!!! *Click*
Meanwhile in another part of town a person makes a phone call...
This is 1-800-MUNICIPALITY how may I help you? Hi, I'd like a permit to start a mice farm! A mice farm, now why would you do that? I have 20 pythons in my house, also please send someone from animal control. Why aren't those Pythons your pets? Yes but they're hungry and I'm fearing for the life of my cat and dog. [Municipality Receptionist] You have 20 Pythons, a cat. And a dog? [Caller] Yes I have 22 pets, is that a crime? [M. Receptionist] Wait, let me check. *40 seconds later* No, it is not a crime to have 22 pets, but don't you think you're overdoing it? [Caller] I started out with four and went on vacation, by the time I got back there were eggs in the terranium. Problem is, it was easter, my kinds painted them in all colours of the rainbow and said. Daddy, daddy, please don't kill the baby snakes. I looked into their cute innocent eyes and could not bring myself to destroy the eggs. [M. Receptionist] That's a reasonable exlplanation, though if I might give you a tip. Start breeding hamsters and feed them, the surplus stock can go to a good friend of mine. He just loves hamsters so much he can barely contain himself. When so, call 1-800-RUPERT.
[Announcer] Welcome to News Today, Here's your favorite host!! Today the Local Government in collaboration with The Local Police Force, have released the Car Proximity Chat App. This way, when you're speeding the police can ask you why you are speeding. Since you're not allowed to use your phone please turn on your stationary light if your wife is in the back seat giving labour. Turn on your left turn signal if your pet is in need for medical care. And use the right turn signal if there is nothing wrong, in that case enter the side of the road and come to a complete stop. This new App comes with instructions, click the question mark for a FAQ and Manual... Later in the news, a Mexican who keeps getting speeding ticket, last name Gonzales...
Later in News Tonight, Car Proximity Chat App mostly used by people who are out of toilet paper..
*ZAP*... We're currently filming a movie and for the special effects there wasn't enough to use CGI, so we switched to CGA instead... *ZAP* ...welcome to mobile houses, wel sell houses that have 14 wheels beneath them. When it's time for property tax just drive somewhere else... *ZAP* ...mommy can I have cocopufs from Count Cocofang for breakfast, please?... *ZAP* ...It's the hizzle in the fizzle fo yo sizzle mizzle rizzle... *ZAP* ...You call this naked officer, I have fur, my hair is fur. I self identify as a rabbit... *ZAP* ...Here we see the desert mouse eat a cricket whole, the cricket sounds coming from his stomach will be used to find a suitable mate... *ZAP* ...today a singer has been sentenced to prison for six years, because he named his move the moonwalk. Early astronauts put in a lawsuit claiming they did the actual walking on the moon and that the singer is just an imitator... *ZAP* ...Now in stores sensual chocolate, you have never tasted chocolate his good, it just melts in your mouth, hmmmm... *ZAP* ...This is 1-800-EMERGENCY, how may I help you? Yes, well since today I have a facial recognition camera on my front and back door! Yes, okay, what is the problem? I can't enter my home! Well what is wrong, do you have a power outage, is the security system offline and unable to open the door? No, I'm black and forgot to add Nigga Optics to the cameras of my security system... *Rupert hears Marjory and turns the TV off*
[Marjory] Ruup, Ruup... [Rupert] Yes Marjory, what's up? [Marjory] What does our kitty like, what does our kitty like? [Rupert] I like to be petted, smoke weed... [Marjory] You know what we're eating tonight? [Rupert] You're making me curious meow! [Marjory] Geffrey ordered a stone slab and I'm baking fresh pizza with hamster on top covered in onions, oregano and mozzarella cheese... [Rupert] Did I just die and went to heaven? [Marjory] No no, my favorite feline friend, that will happen next week when we go to the Vetenarian again!!! [Rupert] What, after all these years you... [Marjory] Hahahahaha, got ya Ruup, no way in hell that would ever happen, I just wanted to see the look on your face. [Rupert] There's only one way to make this up to me, I want extra oregano on my pizza!!! [Marjory] Your wish is my command!...
Emergency Services please... Calling number recognized, patching you through to 1-800-EMERGENCY.. This is 1-800-EMERGENCY, how may I help you? A dangerous dog broke through my fence and is now standing at my front door. Please send police, the army, or at least some kind of backup. Sir, police was allready in the neighbourhood... This is squad car 11568 reporting. This is central, please take a look at Local East Street 45. ...Yes ma'am... This is squad car 11568, we have arrived at the location. It seems there is nothing going on... Wait a minute, there's a puppy in the yard [Voice from inside the house] That's the beast, that's the dangerous dog that was about to attack me. [Police] Aren't you a cute puppy, yes you are, yes you are!! This is squad car 11568 calling in, the dog turned out to be the cutest puppy alive, aren't you cute, yes you are, yes you are. Are you talking to me 11568? No sorry, I was talking to the puppy, he's just so soft, I could pet him all day. You know what, I might seem as this ice cold warrior for justice, but puppies always melt my heart...
*Ring* *Ring* [Rudolph] Yo this is Ruup! [Adolph] Ey Yo Nigga, this is Adolph, you know what I just read about on the internet? [Rudolph] The weather? Nah, I'm just joking, tell me! [Adolph] You know right how people were against the New Major. [Rudolph] You don't have to tell me, it was all over the new! [Adolph] Not everything, it turns out a bunch of niggas went and scalped a retard! [Rudolph] Am I hearing that correctly, a bunch of niggas scalped a retard? [Adolph] Yeah nigga, shit's crazy man, I really have to process this. Anyway my nigga cat, when are you coming by to record your demo, the studio is ready and I'm full of anticipation!!! [Rupert] How late do you wake up tomorrow morning? [Adolph] I want to kick these bitches out at 9 AM but I'm no Grunbau you know, so they'll probably be gone around ten. Lets meet up at ten thirty. [Rupert] Sounds of a plan, allright see you tomorrow morning. [Adolph] Aight my feline nigga, see you tomorrow!!! *Click*
Meanwhile in another part of town a person makes a phone call...
This is 1-800-MUNICIPALITY how may I help you? Hi, I'd like a permit to start a mice farm! A mice farm, now why would you do that? I have 20 pythons in my house, also please send someone from animal control. Why aren't those Pythons your pets? Yes but they're hungry and I'm fearing for the life of my cat and dog. [Municipality Receptionist] You have 20 Pythons, a cat. And a dog? [Caller] Yes I have 22 pets, is that a crime? [M. Receptionist] Wait, let me check. *40 seconds later* No, it is not a crime to have 22 pets, but don't you think you're overdoing it? [Caller] I started out with four and went on vacation, by the time I got back there were eggs in the terranium. Problem is, it was easter, my kinds painted them in all colours of the rainbow and said. Daddy, daddy, please don't kill the baby snakes. I looked into their cute innocent eyes and could not bring myself to destroy the eggs. [M. Receptionist] That's a reasonable exlplanation, though if I might give you a tip. Start breeding hamsters and feed them, the surplus stock can go to a good friend of mine. He just loves hamsters so much he can barely contain himself. When so, call 1-800-RUPERT.
[Announcer] Welcome to News Today, Here's your favorite host!! Today the Local Government in collaboration with The Local Police Force, have released the Car Proximity Chat App. This way, when you're speeding the police can ask you why you are speeding. Since you're not allowed to use your phone please turn on your stationary light if your wife is in the back seat giving labour. Turn on your left turn signal if your pet is in need for medical care. And use the right turn signal if there is nothing wrong, in that case enter the side of the road and come to a complete stop. This new App comes with instructions, click the question mark for a FAQ and Manual... Later in the news, a Mexican who keeps getting speeding ticket, last name Gonzales...
Later in News Tonight, Car Proximity Chat App mostly used by people who are out of toilet paper..
*ZAP*... We're currently filming a movie and for the special effects there wasn't enough to use CGI, so we switched to CGA instead... *ZAP* ...welcome to mobile houses, wel sell houses that have 14 wheels beneath them. When it's time for property tax just drive somewhere else... *ZAP* ...mommy can I have cocopufs from Count Cocofang for breakfast, please?... *ZAP* ...It's the hizzle in the fizzle fo yo sizzle mizzle rizzle... *ZAP* ...You call this naked officer, I have fur, my hair is fur. I self identify as a rabbit... *ZAP* ...Here we see the desert mouse eat a cricket whole, the cricket sounds coming from his stomach will be used to find a suitable mate... *ZAP* ...today a singer has been sentenced to prison for six years, because he named his move the moonwalk. Early astronauts put in a lawsuit claiming they did the actual walking on the moon and that the singer is just an imitator... *ZAP* ...Now in stores sensual chocolate, you have never tasted chocolate his good, it just melts in your mouth, hmmmm... *ZAP* ...This is 1-800-EMERGENCY, how may I help you? Yes, well since today I have a facial recognition camera on my front and back door! Yes, okay, what is the problem? I can't enter my home! Well what is wrong, do you have a power outage, is the security system offline and unable to open the door? No, I'm black and forgot to add Nigga Optics to the cameras of my security system... *Rupert hears Marjory and turns the TV off*
[Marjory] Ruup, Ruup... [Rupert] Yes Marjory, what's up? [Marjory] What does our kitty like, what does our kitty like? [Rupert] I like to be petted, smoke weed... [Marjory] You know what we're eating tonight? [Rupert] You're making me curious meow! [Marjory] Geffrey ordered a stone slab and I'm baking fresh pizza with hamster on top covered in onions, oregano and mozzarella cheese... [Rupert] Did I just die and went to heaven? [Marjory] No no, my favorite feline friend, that will happen next week when we go to the Vetenarian again!!! [Rupert] What, after all these years you... [Marjory] Hahahahaha, got ya Ruup, no way in hell that would ever happen, I just wanted to see the look on your face. [Rupert] There's only one way to make this up to me, I want extra oregano on my pizza!!! [Marjory] Your wish is my command!...
Emergency Services please... Calling number recognized, patching you through to 1-800-EMERGENCY.. This is 1-800-EMERGENCY, how may I help you? A dangerous dog broke through my fence and is now standing at my front door. Please send police, the army, or at least some kind of backup. Sir, police was allready in the neighbourhood... This is squad car 11568 reporting. This is central, please take a look at Local East Street 45. ...Yes ma'am... This is squad car 11568, we have arrived at the location. It seems there is nothing going on... Wait a minute, there's a puppy in the yard [Voice from inside the house] That's the beast, that's the dangerous dog that was about to attack me. [Police] Aren't you a cute puppy, yes you are, yes you are!! This is squad car 11568 calling in, the dog turned out to be the cutest puppy alive, aren't you cute, yes you are, yes you are. Are you talking to me 11568? No sorry, I was talking to the puppy, he's just so soft, I could pet him all day. You know what, I might seem as this ice cold warrior for justice, but puppies always melt my heart...
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