Conspiracy Now - Cowshit and Chicken Progress [110619-02]

[Announcer] Welcome to Conspiracy Now, here's your top host Maxis Jaxxon! [Maxis Jaxxon] You, this morning when I drove to work I passed by a farming area and saw cows grazing. There was a train track and I had to stop for a moment, as I turned my attention to the right I saw a cow from behind, only seconds later I saw it's sphincter open up and cowdung started to emerge. And that really made me think people, the government sees us as shit and when it's done with us we will we expelled like excrement. You know what they do in third world countries? They build houses with cow dung, or dry it for usage to cook food. Now I'm not saying that the government is building houses out of actual people, or that we are used to cook food, but I hope you get my point. And now we will get to the news of today. I'm getting reports from trusted secret anonymous shadowy hard to find sources that the Chickens have landed on what they call Chickonia Prime. Now people, this is not the time to panick it will take some time for an invasion force to return with their endless mission to free Battery Chickens out of the human hands and return them to a life of free range chickens. After the commercials we will be discussing the implications of a Chicken Invasion...

[Maxis Jaxxon] Hi Datawarrior, I present to you Datawars Bodylotion, watch me smear this overpriced product all over my body. Call 1-800-DATAWAR and order a tube today for the introductory price of only 14.99 Moneys!! Order now, because our supply is getting low!!!

[Caitlyn] How many times do I have to watch Maxis Jaxxon smearing his semi naked body in lotion? I mean, it has gotta end sometime right? This is getting out of hand1 [Rupert] Seeing his perseverance to sell the lotion I wouldn't count on it, but again it wouldn't hurt if he'd use a female reporter in his ads...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

MCB 2019 Announcement!!! [103019-0E]

[Announcer] This Saturday, save the date, do not go out to dinner, don't talk to your family... Yes, yes you're thinking what I'm thinking, throw away everything else and sit in front of the TV at twenty hundred hours, because it's the yearly event we have all been waiting for. 30 Comedians, One hour, containing the most offensive jokes in history. This years host of MCB Mega Comedy Blast will be our channels favorite host, Talon. [Talon] Hi, I'm Talon and this year I will be hosting MGC, and I promise you it will be the most offensive event in history... [Announcer] This saturday at eight, don't miss it!!! (When the Olympics happened I wasn't able to come online so I had to forfeit that effort, fingers crossed!!)
Read more

Most offensive post of the day - Lootboxes [102819-01]

What do you call a store who's cameras aren't equipped with nigga optics? A lootbox! [Marjory] Rupert, how can you say such a thing, that's racist and offensive... [Rupert] I'm sorry Marjory, but it had to be said... But I do have one thing to add, why did the looters leave all the black sneakers behind and only went for the white sneakers? That's because you can see dirt on white sneakers more easily and we all know these people like to get offended... [Marjory] Like to, or are? [Rupert] Both! If this was too offensive for you, please call 1-800-IDONTCARE right now and receive 15% off of your next telephone bill, because we all know you like to whine endlessly... [Disclaimer Voice] Hi dear viewer, every expression and opinion made by this company does not reflect the company. Edit/Addon/Etc Lootboxes should be renamed, I mean gamers nowadays act like a bunch of cheap whores. Lootboxes should be called Pimpbribes instead you know, to reflect it's actual ef...
Read more

Opinion Today - Looking intelligent while wearing glasses [101719-02]

[Announcer] Welcome to Opinion Today, here's your host! [Top Host] Hi, and welcome to the first episode of Opinion Today where one guest gets five minutes to explain their viewpoint. Why do people wearing glasses look more intelligent than they actually are? [Unknown Expert] You see, in medieval times where glasses probably were introduced barely anyone could read. This remained so for centuries without change, so it's engrained into our societal perspectives that those who wear glasses have the ability to read. Back in those times if you wore glasses it was obvious you had an education and could write and read, thus proving you are more intelligent than the person next to you. Whether this is due to collective perception or cultural perception is up for debate, but no one can deny that we have the perspective that glasses make you look educated and intelligent. That's all I have to say about this matter right meow. [Top Host] Thank you "Unknown Expert"... We will...
Read more