The Workaholic, Season 1 Episode 10: Ruperts and Caitlyns Week Off [100919-01]
After a week without Internet I'm finally back!
*Rupert and Caitlyn are watching TV*
[Announcer] Welcome to News Today, here's your favorite host!! [Talon] Welcome to News Today, this week is the week of mobile entrepreneurship. Do expect different vendors to visit your local area. Chaniqua? [Chaniqua] Hi people, yes this is the week where young entrepreneurs will dedicate themselves to start a new business subsidized by the local government as an capitalistic experiment. [Talon] Thank you for the addition to my own presentation, now we switch to a reportage about the Yeti. Is it white? Is it real? What's the deal? *music in the street interrupts*
♫ "I woke up this morning and then I got high... Then I... ♪ [Rupert] Hey, that's the weedtruck. [Cailtyn] Weedtruck? [Rupert] Yeah it's a new thing meow. It's like a icecream truck, but instead it delivers weed. [Caitlyn] I know you're enthousiastic Rupert, but you don't have to run outside!! [Weed vendor Jarrio] What can I do ya for today? [Rupert] Well I'd like five pre rolled white widow joints and a gram of Amnesia. Also a pack of rolling papers, you still sell tobacco? [Jarrio] Hell yeah! [Rupert] Then also a pack of tobacco, smaller size please. [Jarrio] That will be 31.50 Moneys Ruup... [Rupert] I don't have that on me right meow, can I pay with plastic? [Jarrio] Sure... [Rupert] Here ya go, thanks man! [Jarrio] Thank you sir, here's a complimentary lighter, see you next time! *Rupert runs back to the house*
*one joint later* ...call 1-800-Fook... *Zap* [C] Don't keep zapping Ruup, put something fun on! [R] Okay *Zap* ...did you know one in five people in inner cities are more prone to killing than a... *Zap* ...He's running, running, running... *Zap* ...use Ultra Supersoap to clean your dishes, nine out of ten... *Zap* ♫ Lada die lada da♪ [Rupert] Sorry young miss, there seems to be nothing on. [C] You hear that noise in the distance, sounds like music...
♫ "Woke up this morning, got yourself a gun, got yourself a gun... I wake up behind enemy lines... ♪ [Caitlyn] What the hell is all this ruckus in the street??? [Rupert] Oh my god, that's the GunTruck!!! [Caitlyn] What??? [Rupert] Well it's kinda like an ice cream truck, but instead it sells knives, guns, machineguns, rockets and explosives! [Caitlyn] Who the hell buys rockets? [Rupert] NASA Enthousiasts? [Caitlyn] Not funny Rupert, this is a serious issue! [Rupert] Oh shit, Serious Issue is about to start... *Zap*
...Remember Fook Yoo... [Announcer] And welcome back to our regular programming, Serious Issue starts now... [Soundbite] It might not matter to you, it might not matter to them, but it sure matters to us. Welcome to Serious Issue, today we will be discussing racial jokes which are so hurtfull it makes the victims cry and the oppressors laugh so hard tears come out of their eyes...
*Zap* ...Vote now on proposition #17 to subsidize free spray tans for the homeless, I am *Zap* ...Do you like children, you really really like children, seek mental help today, with our coaches your life will be back on track in no... *Zap* Wooooh, bitches and beer... Welcome to the ultimate reality show Bitches and Beer where our contestants try... [Rupert] This isn't suitable for children at all, sorry Caitlyn... *Zap* ...does your penis hurt in the morning? *Zap* ...Why the hell are you bitch slapping my wife you... *Zap* ....News Today, here's your favorite host!!! [Talon] Hi and welcome to News Today dear viewer. So far the entrepreneurial event has been succesfull, Chaniqua is on main street where the Weed Truck is right now. Wait a minute, is that a joint in your right hand Chaniqua? [Chaniqua] Yes, today I'm doing a little promo, this is some good ass shit you know... [Talon] People, we seem to be having technical difficulties so the on the scene update will have to wait. Next up, the best way to bake an egg... Apparently you have to put in the egg white first and then later add the egg yolk so you can dip your bread in yellowy orangy sauce. We will be... *Rupert turns TV off*
Caitlyn, this has made me hungry, very hungry... Seeing the rest of the family went to smelly grandpa up north, why don't you and I go to McHamsters, I hear they have an extra succulent special this month with their latest newest special tomato sauce... [Caitlyn] Oh hell yeah... *Rupert and Caitlyn walk towards the garage and enter Ruperts car* [Caitlyn] Why does a cat have a drivers licence? [Rupert] Beats me, I have a high enough IQ, opposable thumbs and passed the theoretical and practical tests for a drivers license. Anyway, lets head towards McHamsters, I can almost feel the special tomato sauce teasing my tastebuds... *10 minutes later* [Caitlyn] Rupert, rupert, I see the hamster sign!! We're almost there... [Rupert] Relax kiddo just two more minutes, and by the way we're doing drive thru and will eat in the car so figure out what you'll drink with it. [Caitlyn] Well duh, have you seen the types of people who go there? [Chatterbox] Welcome to McHamsters, how may we serve you today? [Rupert] Yeah one special of the month with the special tomato sauce... [Caitlyn] A McHamster deluxe... [Rupert & Caitlyn] 2 medium french fries and 2 cola please! [Chatterbox] Do you two sing in a choir? [Rupert] Nah, we're just both hungry that's all. And oh yeah, 2 mayonaise as well... [Chatterbox] You can drive to the pickup point, that will be 18.50 Moneys please... *Rupert swipes his card and drives towards the pickup point* [McHamsters employee] Here's your order, remember, it's Hamsterlicious!!! Thank you and see you next time! [Caitlyn] Fast, drive to a parking spot, I wanna eat while it's still hot!
*Rupert and Caitlyn eat, drive home and arrive 20 minutes later from where we left off...*
[Sound eminating from the street] ♫ Ta ra ta ta ta ta ta, aribaaaa ♪ [Rupert] Oh my god, is that a fireworks and taco truck?? I'm feeling kinda festive today, Cait, wanna go buy some fireworks and maybe a taco or two? [Caitlyn] I wish my parents would stay away for ever... *Caitlyn and Rupert run outside towards the fireworks and taco truck* [Senior Taco] Hello you two, can I interest you in a taco or two? [Rupert] Skip the tacos for now, whaddaya got besides tacos? [Senior Taco] We also sell assorted fireworks.
If you really are looking for something special senior Rupert, I do have a Major Explodus 2000! [R] Why is it called the Major Explodus 2000? [ST] You see senior the Major Explodus has been illegal since 2000. [R] Sounds awesome, let's buy one of those and some festive fireworks for the young lady. [C] Rupert, do you have any idea how destructive the Major Explodus 2000 is? [ST] Si Senior, the fireworks in question is very explosive. Please detonate, I mean light it in a big open space. [R] We'll be carefull... *Rupert pays for the fireworks and they get back inside the house* [Caitlyn] So, when are we going to light the fireworks? [R] Let's wait till it's dark...
20 Minutes later...
[Again music eminating from the street] ♫ Heb je even voor mij, maak wat tijd voor me vrij.. ♪ [Rupert] Wait here Caitlyn, I'll be right back. [C] No, I'll come with, I know how you love your Frikandels Special... [Rupert] Frikandel Special, one for me, and one for the younglady over here... [Harrie] Ook frietjes meneer Rupert? No, no fries, this is more like desert, we already went to McHamsters...
[TV] That's no ordinaire cop, that's Johnny Taze... *Zap* *smack smack chew chew* [Caitlyn] So unhealthy, but very delicious when you only eat them sometimes. [R] That's what I always say, hey I can hear our family's car approaching, lets clean up real fast... *three minutes later* [Marjory] Rupert, Sweetie, we are home! [Caitlyn] Wow, that week went over quick! [Rupert] They say time flies when you're having fun! [M] Why does it smell like onions in here? [C] Mom I don't know what you're talking about!! *Caitlyn winks at Rupert*
2:30 AM
Caitlyn, Cait, wake up, wake up! Shhh, don't talk, follow me... *Ruup and Cait sneak out of the house* [C] You wanna do the fireworks thing right now? If we set this thing off now the whole neighbourhood will wake up. I'm even beginning to question if we will still have a neighbourhood when that Major Explodus 2000 explodes... [R] You know what Cait, you're absolutely right, we'll save that one for a special event. (* 1x Major Explodus added to your inventory *) Sleep well young one... [C] You too Ruup...
The End...
Thank you for watching/Reading this, I hope you enjoyed it. Written by Rob (Talon) van Loon on the 8th and 9th October 2019.
*Rupert and Caitlyn are watching TV*
[Announcer] Welcome to News Today, here's your favorite host!! [Talon] Welcome to News Today, this week is the week of mobile entrepreneurship. Do expect different vendors to visit your local area. Chaniqua? [Chaniqua] Hi people, yes this is the week where young entrepreneurs will dedicate themselves to start a new business subsidized by the local government as an capitalistic experiment. [Talon] Thank you for the addition to my own presentation, now we switch to a reportage about the Yeti. Is it white? Is it real? What's the deal? *music in the street interrupts*
♫ "I woke up this morning and then I got high... Then I... ♪ [Rupert] Hey, that's the weedtruck. [Cailtyn] Weedtruck? [Rupert] Yeah it's a new thing meow. It's like a icecream truck, but instead it delivers weed. [Caitlyn] I know you're enthousiastic Rupert, but you don't have to run outside!! [Weed vendor Jarrio] What can I do ya for today? [Rupert] Well I'd like five pre rolled white widow joints and a gram of Amnesia. Also a pack of rolling papers, you still sell tobacco? [Jarrio] Hell yeah! [Rupert] Then also a pack of tobacco, smaller size please. [Jarrio] That will be 31.50 Moneys Ruup... [Rupert] I don't have that on me right meow, can I pay with plastic? [Jarrio] Sure... [Rupert] Here ya go, thanks man! [Jarrio] Thank you sir, here's a complimentary lighter, see you next time! *Rupert runs back to the house*
*one joint later* ...call 1-800-Fook... *Zap* [C] Don't keep zapping Ruup, put something fun on! [R] Okay *Zap* ...did you know one in five people in inner cities are more prone to killing than a... *Zap* ...He's running, running, running... *Zap* ...use Ultra Supersoap to clean your dishes, nine out of ten... *Zap* ♫ Lada die lada da♪ [Rupert] Sorry young miss, there seems to be nothing on. [C] You hear that noise in the distance, sounds like music...
♫ "Woke up this morning, got yourself a gun, got yourself a gun... I wake up behind enemy lines... ♪ [Caitlyn] What the hell is all this ruckus in the street??? [Rupert] Oh my god, that's the GunTruck!!! [Caitlyn] What??? [Rupert] Well it's kinda like an ice cream truck, but instead it sells knives, guns, machineguns, rockets and explosives! [Caitlyn] Who the hell buys rockets? [Rupert] NASA Enthousiasts? [Caitlyn] Not funny Rupert, this is a serious issue! [Rupert] Oh shit, Serious Issue is about to start... *Zap*
...Remember Fook Yoo... [Announcer] And welcome back to our regular programming, Serious Issue starts now... [Soundbite] It might not matter to you, it might not matter to them, but it sure matters to us. Welcome to Serious Issue, today we will be discussing racial jokes which are so hurtfull it makes the victims cry and the oppressors laugh so hard tears come out of their eyes...
*Zap* ...Vote now on proposition #17 to subsidize free spray tans for the homeless, I am *Zap* ...Do you like children, you really really like children, seek mental help today, with our coaches your life will be back on track in no... *Zap* Wooooh, bitches and beer... Welcome to the ultimate reality show Bitches and Beer where our contestants try... [Rupert] This isn't suitable for children at all, sorry Caitlyn... *Zap* ...does your penis hurt in the morning? *Zap* ...Why the hell are you bitch slapping my wife you... *Zap* ....News Today, here's your favorite host!!! [Talon] Hi and welcome to News Today dear viewer. So far the entrepreneurial event has been succesfull, Chaniqua is on main street where the Weed Truck is right now. Wait a minute, is that a joint in your right hand Chaniqua? [Chaniqua] Yes, today I'm doing a little promo, this is some good ass shit you know... [Talon] People, we seem to be having technical difficulties so the on the scene update will have to wait. Next up, the best way to bake an egg... Apparently you have to put in the egg white first and then later add the egg yolk so you can dip your bread in yellowy orangy sauce. We will be... *Rupert turns TV off*
Caitlyn, this has made me hungry, very hungry... Seeing the rest of the family went to smelly grandpa up north, why don't you and I go to McHamsters, I hear they have an extra succulent special this month with their latest newest special tomato sauce... [Caitlyn] Oh hell yeah... *Rupert and Caitlyn walk towards the garage and enter Ruperts car* [Caitlyn] Why does a cat have a drivers licence? [Rupert] Beats me, I have a high enough IQ, opposable thumbs and passed the theoretical and practical tests for a drivers license. Anyway, lets head towards McHamsters, I can almost feel the special tomato sauce teasing my tastebuds... *10 minutes later* [Caitlyn] Rupert, rupert, I see the hamster sign!! We're almost there... [Rupert] Relax kiddo just two more minutes, and by the way we're doing drive thru and will eat in the car so figure out what you'll drink with it. [Caitlyn] Well duh, have you seen the types of people who go there? [Chatterbox] Welcome to McHamsters, how may we serve you today? [Rupert] Yeah one special of the month with the special tomato sauce... [Caitlyn] A McHamster deluxe... [Rupert & Caitlyn] 2 medium french fries and 2 cola please! [Chatterbox] Do you two sing in a choir? [Rupert] Nah, we're just both hungry that's all. And oh yeah, 2 mayonaise as well... [Chatterbox] You can drive to the pickup point, that will be 18.50 Moneys please... *Rupert swipes his card and drives towards the pickup point* [McHamsters employee] Here's your order, remember, it's Hamsterlicious!!! Thank you and see you next time! [Caitlyn] Fast, drive to a parking spot, I wanna eat while it's still hot!
*Rupert and Caitlyn eat, drive home and arrive 20 minutes later from where we left off...*
[Sound eminating from the street] ♫ Ta ra ta ta ta ta ta, aribaaaa ♪ [Rupert] Oh my god, is that a fireworks and taco truck?? I'm feeling kinda festive today, Cait, wanna go buy some fireworks and maybe a taco or two? [Caitlyn] I wish my parents would stay away for ever... *Caitlyn and Rupert run outside towards the fireworks and taco truck* [Senior Taco] Hello you two, can I interest you in a taco or two? [Rupert] Skip the tacos for now, whaddaya got besides tacos? [Senior Taco] We also sell assorted fireworks.
If you really are looking for something special senior Rupert, I do have a Major Explodus 2000! [R] Why is it called the Major Explodus 2000? [ST] You see senior the Major Explodus has been illegal since 2000. [R] Sounds awesome, let's buy one of those and some festive fireworks for the young lady. [C] Rupert, do you have any idea how destructive the Major Explodus 2000 is? [ST] Si Senior, the fireworks in question is very explosive. Please detonate, I mean light it in a big open space. [R] We'll be carefull... *Rupert pays for the fireworks and they get back inside the house* [Caitlyn] So, when are we going to light the fireworks? [R] Let's wait till it's dark...
20 Minutes later...
[Again music eminating from the street] ♫ Heb je even voor mij, maak wat tijd voor me vrij.. ♪ [Rupert] Wait here Caitlyn, I'll be right back. [C] No, I'll come with, I know how you love your Frikandels Special... [Rupert] Frikandel Special, one for me, and one for the younglady over here... [Harrie] Ook frietjes meneer Rupert? No, no fries, this is more like desert, we already went to McHamsters...
[TV] That's no ordinaire cop, that's Johnny Taze... *Zap* *smack smack chew chew* [Caitlyn] So unhealthy, but very delicious when you only eat them sometimes. [R] That's what I always say, hey I can hear our family's car approaching, lets clean up real fast... *three minutes later* [Marjory] Rupert, Sweetie, we are home! [Caitlyn] Wow, that week went over quick! [Rupert] They say time flies when you're having fun! [M] Why does it smell like onions in here? [C] Mom I don't know what you're talking about!! *Caitlyn winks at Rupert*
2:30 AM
Caitlyn, Cait, wake up, wake up! Shhh, don't talk, follow me... *Ruup and Cait sneak out of the house* [C] You wanna do the fireworks thing right now? If we set this thing off now the whole neighbourhood will wake up. I'm even beginning to question if we will still have a neighbourhood when that Major Explodus 2000 explodes... [R] You know what Cait, you're absolutely right, we'll save that one for a special event. (* 1x Major Explodus added to your inventory *) Sleep well young one... [C] You too Ruup...
The End...
Thank you for watching/Reading this, I hope you enjoyed it. Written by Rob (Talon) van Loon on the 8th and 9th October 2019.
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