Newsaholic Season One Episode 11 - Halloween II [102919-0B]
♫ What now starts is the Newsaholic, I heard the writer is an Alcaholic, The sky is blue, what does the news mean to you? Do you really care what's going on in the world today, or do you just want to fire up a GameStation and play? Do you really care what happens to the sheeple, or do you actually love the people? Now lets just enjoy this show to your hearts content, if you don't like it get bent!!
[Rupert] Caitlyn, Cait, Cait... Did you know that the pumpkin you carved will come alive during Halloween Night and will try to eat you??? *Caitlyn runs to parents room and opens the door* [Caitlyn] MARK, JACK, Mom's being murdered by dad... He's the Vampire, he's the vampire from the News!!! [Geffrey] Now calm down that's just strawberry sauce and didn't we tell you not to enter our bedroom after eleven o clock??? [Jack] Oh great, another trauma I can add to my youth, thanks a lot Cait... [Cait] Sorry, I walked in, mommy was screaming and she was covered in red liquid. What was I supposed to think? [Geffrey] Nothing younglady, now go back to bed... [Marjory] Jack, please stay in your room, one traumatized son is enough... [Geffrey] Was that sarcasm dear? [Marjory] No, this is me being precautionary.
[Cait] Is that blood you are drinking??? [Geffrey] What, hell no, this is tomato juice I'm on a health binge, trip, journey or whatever you want to call it. I don't want to sound weird do we still have blood sausage for dinner? You know, with the baked apples and powdererd sugar on top. I'm feeling a bit low on iron... [Marjory] Okay, I'm preparing now, we're eating dinner in 30 minutes.
*ZAP* ...You fucking whore... First of all, I wasn't fucking and I'm not a whore, second of all your hamster died of natural causes... You mean that flat thing with blood around it died of natural causes??? Well sort of, I kinda stepped on it... I know, but did you have to throw him on the compost heap? Well it seemed it was the least I could do... The least you could do, what kind of monster are you? THe kind that believes in recycling? *ZAP* [Rupert] Didn't day time TV used to be innocent? ...up next, question of the day. Have you ever slapped a woman in her face solely because she had an annoying voice?... [Rupert] This is too easy, Yes... [Caitlyn] That's offensive Rupert, you should be ashamed... [Rupert] I should, but weirdly enough I'm not..
*ZAP* ...and do you feel like an unsullied, get reconstructive testicle surgery now, call 1-800-INEEDBALLS... *ZAP* ...sir as a serious movie critic don't you think the character Vladgina is oversexualized in this... *ZAP* ...oh yeah, you want to go all night try our new product now, call... *ZAP* ...have you gone absolutely insane, why the hell would you insult a retard??? Well I uh... *ZAP* ...did you feel that, that was me bitchslapping you fucking cunt. You thought I was gonna say bitch didn't ya? Didn't ya?... *ZAP* ...have you ever seen oiled female breasts glistening in the moonlight during a full moon? Well no sir I can't say I have, but... *ZAP* [Rupert] Oh my god, this shit gets more insane everytime I watch it... *ZAP* CREPE, you call that a crepe, I call that crap... Seriously, you run a business, how the hell can you fuck up mixing flour, milk, eggs and a dash of salt??? [Marjory] Rupert, Cait, Mark, Jack, dear, dinner is almost ready, turn off the TV and come to the dining room. We're having pumpkin soup, and yes before you ask, it's soup created from the leftovers from your pumpkin carvings...
*30 minutes later the family eats their dinner, also two more hours pass* *Cait calls Jenny* [Cait] Jenny, Jenny... [Jenny, Cait's classmate] Yes, yes, why are you whispering? [Cait] Well, my dad wants blood sausage for lunch, you know, it's got the word blood in it!!! [Jenny] Are you serious, your dad is out for blood? [Cait] I'm affraid so, ask yourself the question, what or who needs blood. Dracula right?! [Jenny] Aren't you overthinking this? [Caitlyn] You remember when I fell down last week and scraped my knee... before my dad applied the iodine, some sugar and a plaster he kept staring at the blood coming out of my knee. You think there's any meaning in that? [Jenny] Seriously Cait, don't sweat about it... Hey I hear a noise coming up the stairs!!! *Click* [Cait] Jenny, Jenny, Jenny... [Jenny] Hi, this is Jenny, you have reached my voicemail, please leave a message after the beep... *Beep* [Caitlyn] This is all wrong, what on earth could have happened to her??? *phone ringing* [Cait] Jenny, Jenny, are you okay? [Jenny] There was nothing serious going on, it was my dad with explosive diareah who ran to the upstairs bathroom and then my phone died. It's in the charger now so we can continue to chat... [Cait] Awesome, you had me worried there for a moment! [Jenny] Did you finish ýour presentation? [Caitlyn] Yes, tomorrow I will present an in depth presentation about the life of a hallucinogenic frog that licks it's own body, it is very colourful! [Jenny] Anyway, have you seen the news, you know, the vampire? [Caitlyn] All these talks about vampires are putting me on edge, last night I almost walked into a vampire feeding ceremony, turned out it was my dad pouring strawberry sauce on my mother. [Jenny] Eeew, that's disgusting... [Caitlyn] I know right, anyway see you tomorrow on the schoolbus! [Jenny (Deep Male Voice)] Sleep well my child muahahahaha.... [Caitlyn] Aaaaargh!!! [Jenny's dad] Sorry Cait, that was me pranking you. Jenny really needs to go to bed so she's losing her phone privileges for the night... [Jenny] Sleep well, see you tomorrow Caitlyn... [Cait] First I'm scared to death and then I'm supposed to sleep well... Okay Cait, don't fear, there's no danger in the neighbourhood and most definitely in sight... Relax, sleep, sleep, sleep... What's that strange noise coming from the hallway? Ohwait, that's just Mark... *noise in the distance - Eat lead you demon* That's just Jack playing his latest game... Ooh ooh ooh, that sounds like a ghost, but that's just mother, I'll bet I get to hear the following during tomorrows breakfast... "Still got it" I always ask myself the question, what does dad still have? *scratching noise* I know that sound, that is rupert "attacking" his scratching pole... Okay, there's nothing weird and or scary going on and I can get to sleep! *BOOM* Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, wha, wha, what the hell happened here, why is there a hole in our backyard? [Rupert] Sorry, I thought I saw a zombie and felt it nessecary... [Cait] You have to make this up to me Rupert, I thought we'd use the Major Explodus 2000 together!! [Marjory] What the hell happened to my backyard? [Geffrey] What backyard, is that a sinkhole???...
To Be Continued??!?.....
(Hope you enjoyed reading!)
[Rupert] Caitlyn, Cait, Cait... Did you know that the pumpkin you carved will come alive during Halloween Night and will try to eat you??? *Caitlyn runs to parents room and opens the door* [Caitlyn] MARK, JACK, Mom's being murdered by dad... He's the Vampire, he's the vampire from the News!!! [Geffrey] Now calm down that's just strawberry sauce and didn't we tell you not to enter our bedroom after eleven o clock??? [Jack] Oh great, another trauma I can add to my youth, thanks a lot Cait... [Cait] Sorry, I walked in, mommy was screaming and she was covered in red liquid. What was I supposed to think? [Geffrey] Nothing younglady, now go back to bed... [Marjory] Jack, please stay in your room, one traumatized son is enough... [Geffrey] Was that sarcasm dear? [Marjory] No, this is me being precautionary.
[Cait] Is that blood you are drinking??? [Geffrey] What, hell no, this is tomato juice I'm on a health binge, trip, journey or whatever you want to call it. I don't want to sound weird do we still have blood sausage for dinner? You know, with the baked apples and powdererd sugar on top. I'm feeling a bit low on iron... [Marjory] Okay, I'm preparing now, we're eating dinner in 30 minutes.
*ZAP* ...You fucking whore... First of all, I wasn't fucking and I'm not a whore, second of all your hamster died of natural causes... You mean that flat thing with blood around it died of natural causes??? Well sort of, I kinda stepped on it... I know, but did you have to throw him on the compost heap? Well it seemed it was the least I could do... The least you could do, what kind of monster are you? THe kind that believes in recycling? *ZAP* [Rupert] Didn't day time TV used to be innocent? ...up next, question of the day. Have you ever slapped a woman in her face solely because she had an annoying voice?... [Rupert] This is too easy, Yes... [Caitlyn] That's offensive Rupert, you should be ashamed... [Rupert] I should, but weirdly enough I'm not..
*ZAP* ...and do you feel like an unsullied, get reconstructive testicle surgery now, call 1-800-INEEDBALLS... *ZAP* ...sir as a serious movie critic don't you think the character Vladgina is oversexualized in this... *ZAP* ...oh yeah, you want to go all night try our new product now, call... *ZAP* ...have you gone absolutely insane, why the hell would you insult a retard??? Well I uh... *ZAP* ...did you feel that, that was me bitchslapping you fucking cunt. You thought I was gonna say bitch didn't ya? Didn't ya?... *ZAP* ...have you ever seen oiled female breasts glistening in the moonlight during a full moon? Well no sir I can't say I have, but... *ZAP* [Rupert] Oh my god, this shit gets more insane everytime I watch it... *ZAP* CREPE, you call that a crepe, I call that crap... Seriously, you run a business, how the hell can you fuck up mixing flour, milk, eggs and a dash of salt??? [Marjory] Rupert, Cait, Mark, Jack, dear, dinner is almost ready, turn off the TV and come to the dining room. We're having pumpkin soup, and yes before you ask, it's soup created from the leftovers from your pumpkin carvings...
*30 minutes later the family eats their dinner, also two more hours pass* *Cait calls Jenny* [Cait] Jenny, Jenny... [Jenny, Cait's classmate] Yes, yes, why are you whispering? [Cait] Well, my dad wants blood sausage for lunch, you know, it's got the word blood in it!!! [Jenny] Are you serious, your dad is out for blood? [Cait] I'm affraid so, ask yourself the question, what or who needs blood. Dracula right?! [Jenny] Aren't you overthinking this? [Caitlyn] You remember when I fell down last week and scraped my knee... before my dad applied the iodine, some sugar and a plaster he kept staring at the blood coming out of my knee. You think there's any meaning in that? [Jenny] Seriously Cait, don't sweat about it... Hey I hear a noise coming up the stairs!!! *Click* [Cait] Jenny, Jenny, Jenny... [Jenny] Hi, this is Jenny, you have reached my voicemail, please leave a message after the beep... *Beep* [Caitlyn] This is all wrong, what on earth could have happened to her??? *phone ringing* [Cait] Jenny, Jenny, are you okay? [Jenny] There was nothing serious going on, it was my dad with explosive diareah who ran to the upstairs bathroom and then my phone died. It's in the charger now so we can continue to chat... [Cait] Awesome, you had me worried there for a moment! [Jenny] Did you finish ýour presentation? [Caitlyn] Yes, tomorrow I will present an in depth presentation about the life of a hallucinogenic frog that licks it's own body, it is very colourful! [Jenny] Anyway, have you seen the news, you know, the vampire? [Caitlyn] All these talks about vampires are putting me on edge, last night I almost walked into a vampire feeding ceremony, turned out it was my dad pouring strawberry sauce on my mother. [Jenny] Eeew, that's disgusting... [Caitlyn] I know right, anyway see you tomorrow on the schoolbus! [Jenny (Deep Male Voice)] Sleep well my child muahahahaha.... [Caitlyn] Aaaaargh!!! [Jenny's dad] Sorry Cait, that was me pranking you. Jenny really needs to go to bed so she's losing her phone privileges for the night... [Jenny] Sleep well, see you tomorrow Caitlyn... [Cait] First I'm scared to death and then I'm supposed to sleep well... Okay Cait, don't fear, there's no danger in the neighbourhood and most definitely in sight... Relax, sleep, sleep, sleep... What's that strange noise coming from the hallway? Ohwait, that's just Mark... *noise in the distance - Eat lead you demon* That's just Jack playing his latest game... Ooh ooh ooh, that sounds like a ghost, but that's just mother, I'll bet I get to hear the following during tomorrows breakfast... "Still got it" I always ask myself the question, what does dad still have? *scratching noise* I know that sound, that is rupert "attacking" his scratching pole... Okay, there's nothing weird and or scary going on and I can get to sleep! *BOOM* Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, wha, wha, what the hell happened here, why is there a hole in our backyard? [Rupert] Sorry, I thought I saw a zombie and felt it nessecary... [Cait] You have to make this up to me Rupert, I thought we'd use the Major Explodus 2000 together!! [Marjory] What the hell happened to my backyard? [Geffrey] What backyard, is that a sinkhole???...
To Be Continued??!?.....
(Hope you enjoyed reading!)
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