News Tonight - Local Doggy Extremism II [101519-02]

[Announcer] Welcome to News Tonight, here's your favorite host!! [Talon] Welcome to tonights show where we will be discussing the topic of the day during an in studio interview. Dogs, are they pets or tools of terrorists? Here's a dog expert! [Dog Expert] Well I believe... [Talon] Yes yes yes, very interesting, does the opposition have anything to add? [FOD Agency Agent] We at the Fear Of Dogs Agency are keen to explain the threat mans best friend now poses to the integral safety of our society. See dogs do anything for a cookie, just like Pluto did this afternoon. [Dog Expert] Yes but you can hardly point to the dog for that, because... [Talon] Yes, yes, wonderful response. Now what danger do dogs actually pose at this moment? [FOD Agency Agent] Well, if you hear a bark in your neighbourhood, go lie in the bathtub and call 1-800-EMERGENCY. [Talon] So it's safe to say it's not safe with dogs around? [Dog Expert] You know the dog didn't push the button you know... [FOD Agency Agent] Whether the dog exploded out of it's own volition is not the question here. It's the trainers that do turn these pets into weapons. But really, where does the responsibillity of the dog end and the one of the terrorist begins? [Announcer] We will be back after the commercials with an in depth story about deaf cats equipped with sunglasses and hearing aids that look like oversized headphones...

[Soundbite] For heavens sake! [Asian Ad Man] No, no, Heavens Saké. Imported from overseas. Only 18.99 Moneys per bottle, order via 1-800-FOOKYOO or go online to www.fookyoo.local, remember, Fook Yoo!!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

MCB 2019 Announcement!!! [103019-0E]

[Announcer] This Saturday, save the date, do not go out to dinner, don't talk to your family... Yes, yes you're thinking what I'm thinking, throw away everything else and sit in front of the TV at twenty hundred hours, because it's the yearly event we have all been waiting for. 30 Comedians, One hour, containing the most offensive jokes in history. This years host of MCB Mega Comedy Blast will be our channels favorite host, Talon. [Talon] Hi, I'm Talon and this year I will be hosting MGC, and I promise you it will be the most offensive event in history... [Announcer] This saturday at eight, don't miss it!!! (When the Olympics happened I wasn't able to come online so I had to forfeit that effort, fingers crossed!!)
Read more

Most offensive post of the day - Lootboxes [102819-01]

What do you call a store who's cameras aren't equipped with nigga optics? A lootbox! [Marjory] Rupert, how can you say such a thing, that's racist and offensive... [Rupert] I'm sorry Marjory, but it had to be said... But I do have one thing to add, why did the looters leave all the black sneakers behind and only went for the white sneakers? That's because you can see dirt on white sneakers more easily and we all know these people like to get offended... [Marjory] Like to, or are? [Rupert] Both! If this was too offensive for you, please call 1-800-IDONTCARE right now and receive 15% off of your next telephone bill, because we all know you like to whine endlessly... [Disclaimer Voice] Hi dear viewer, every expression and opinion made by this company does not reflect the company. Edit/Addon/Etc Lootboxes should be renamed, I mean gamers nowadays act like a bunch of cheap whores. Lootboxes should be called Pimpbribes instead you know, to reflect it's actual ef...
Read more

Opinion Today - Looking intelligent while wearing glasses [101719-02]

[Announcer] Welcome to Opinion Today, here's your host! [Top Host] Hi, and welcome to the first episode of Opinion Today where one guest gets five minutes to explain their viewpoint. Why do people wearing glasses look more intelligent than they actually are? [Unknown Expert] You see, in medieval times where glasses probably were introduced barely anyone could read. This remained so for centuries without change, so it's engrained into our societal perspectives that those who wear glasses have the ability to read. Back in those times if you wore glasses it was obvious you had an education and could write and read, thus proving you are more intelligent than the person next to you. Whether this is due to collective perception or cultural perception is up for debate, but no one can deny that we have the perspective that glasses make you look educated and intelligent. That's all I have to say about this matter right meow. [Top Host] Thank you "Unknown Expert"... We will...
Read more