Episode 11 Preview [Temporary Article]
...[Caitlyn] Hey you, yeah you, you fucking pedophile. Go fuck a 12 year old bottle of scotch, but leave me the fuck alone!!! [Rupert] Any trouble Cait? No, this loser, I mean gentleman was just leaving. You know I carry a shiv right??? *Strange man runs away* [Caitlyn] Sorry Rupert, I know I'm not supposed to use those swear words, but it just gets to me. I'm only twelve and they're coming at me like locusts, there's no end to it. Hey you motherfucker who's running away, next time I won't hesitate. See Rupert, that's what I get in return for my good nature. [Rupert] I know Cait, didn't you have to do homework? [C] Well, actually yes. But Cashgrab III is out so Jack's room is eminating too much noise to do my homework... *next room* [Jack] Oh my god, these pay with cash loot boxes sometimes drop ultra rare keys which I can use to open Extreme Lootboxes. Who would've thought of that, loot boxes to open loot boxes, sheer brilliance...
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Sir, I'd like my aqua translucent! What the hell is aqua, and what the hell is translucent? Let me rephrase that, do you have clean clear drinking water?
You know those restaurants where they all act french? I have a napkin pour ou. I mean, what the hell does pour ou even mean? I don't even speak french. So I looked at the waiter with a question mark on my face. You wanna know what he said? No not really, but do tell. He said absolutely nothing, just stood waiting there holding a napkin in his hand, I was perplexed...
*ZAP* I said wut wut Pizzahut, I said wut wut Pizzahut... *ZAP* Was that Butters doing a promo for Pizza Hut? Who the hell is Butters, and what the hell is Pizza Hut??? I don't know, came suddenly to mind, must've been another timeline... What did you say Rupert? Nothing, never mind...
*ZAP* Mexican authorities have finally captured the speeding racer who calls himself Speedy Gon... *ZAP* Today a game executive had a major expansion, and was sued for sexual harassment.. *ZAP* Today the pope caught on fire when he accidentally... *ZAP* ...So this senior walked into this bar and started beating this bartender with his cane screaming this isn't malt liqour... *ZAP* Today we have a special guest, yes he is in special education but that doesn't mean... *ZAP* Have you ever seen paintbullets explode in someones face without protection? Wel... *ZAP* [Rupert] TV isn't suitable for children at all!!! What are Jack and Mark playing? Oh that's just Super Midget Fighters II Turbo Extreme on the Gamestation... Somehow they got past the social scrutiny and copyright to make this awesome game possible, at least that's what my son says... The blood physics are said to be phenomenal... What the hell Mark and Jack, are those two pixels fighting. THey may look small, but punch just as hard... See when we get closer together it zooms in... See how tall the grass is now compared to the fighters?
*ZAP* A major heatwave struck today and killed several senior citizens, more on this... *ZAP* Today a local child struck it nigga rich when she found a quarter which she used to buy a chewing gum... *ZAP* Oh my god, did you see that Ruup, I was on the news!.. ...later today we will air the feature movie Insane Assailants III... "I believe I can fly... *shots fired*... that was a famous singer, not a ... *ZAP* ...you motherfucking banana sucking whore why the hell did... *ZAP* It seems the more I zap the more inappropriate the material becomes... *ZAP* ...ooh ooh ooh... [Rupert] Okay, this is just straight out porn and it's only 18:49 PM, what the hell is going on... *calls 1-800-CABLEFIRM* Hi this is Lucette, how may Cablefirm assist you today? Hi Lucette, this is Rupert. Oh hey Ruup... Yes yes, I know, everybody knows me... anyway, there was just straight out porn on basic cable in our house. What the hell is going on? Well, we have struck a deal with pornstream.local... So that means? That you, Geffrey or Marjory have to set up parental control... But why was there no warning? Don't know, it all happened so fast, before we knew it porn was on TV. Well please put some effort in preventing these kind of situations in the future. I don't mind, but there are a lot of impressionable kids out there who shouldn't be confronted with this type of content! I wholeheartedly agree sir, but can I offer you the porn pro package for only 2 Moneys for the next 3 months? Does it have cats? No sir! Then no thank you, and sorry if I sounded racist. But as a cat I prefer other cats, not you pink skinned bipedal meat bags...
Dutch people should really try to learn the English Language, or as it is sometimes called The Queen's Language. I can order a can of coke, a cappuccino, pizza, ashtray and espresso in Italy, wave the international I want to pay sign. But in no way shape or form do I know the Italian Language. Oh yeah, by the way, Italian porn sucks... Seriously, the only anal action I can live with is an alien probe...
[Announcer] Welcome to conspiracy now, here's your host Maxis Jaxxon!! [Maxis Jaxxon] Welcome to todays show dear Datawarriors, today we will delve into the subject of weather control. You see, I have it from good and confidential sources that heatwaves are caused by the government. Yes dear viewer, yes, you better believe it. You see during heatwaves a lot of elderly in retirement homes die from respitory issues and whatnot, so it's an easy way to relieve the tension on pension funds. It's all about the money people, and you better believe it. I can remember when summers weren't so hot, nowadays you have to wear a tin foil hat just to cool down your brain, it's insane!!! You know in ancient times they used a sun dial, don't you get it, they used to dial the sun man, the motherfucking sun!! I know this sounds crazy, but listen to this! [Soundbite] Hi, I'm Maxis Jaxxon, I'm offering you the latest in sun screen technology. Watch this hot reporter smear this stuff all over her body! Only 16.99 Moneys a bottle, hey, I have an operation to run!! More on leprechauns after the commercials, do they really speak with an Irish Accent??...
We now present the ultimate in MMORPG technology, you run across the screen clicking too many buttons not using any form of skill and barely hit anything. It's called Timewaster Medieval Adventure, buy now for 59.99 Moneys. And pay 299.99 Moneys in microtransactions to unlock everything, possibly. You see, duplicates you can turn into crafting components, and 200 salvaged weapons will net you a 0.000001% chance of getting an upgraded weapon. We do want to remain fair to our players who do not use micro transactions don't we...
Ik ben niet zomaar boos! Ik ben framboos!!!
Ik was er niet zomaar bij, ik was er aardbei!!!
Dit is geen gewone kuif, dit is hairgel met druif!!!
Dat wijf is zo vet! Je bedoelt zo cool? Nee ze is zo vet dat ze schokabsorbers neutraliseert en airbags implodeert...
When I woke up, there was mist all around me. Apparently my captors were smoking alien cigars. Right now I'm sneaking towards an escape pod. These alien signs an writing are unknown to me, lucky me the fact that those are pretty universal. I see one in the distance, he's drinking some kind of liquid while talking to another captive. I really must get out of here, The Universal Alliance depends on it. And my name isn't Captain Starspace for nothing!!! See it all tonight in Captain Starspace on Channel One... [Geffrey] I cannot miss this, finally something I can watch, it has been years when Space Pull The Next Generation ended. Those sideshows were great as well, Starbase Negro and Female Captain Space were awesome as well. Marjory, Marjory, I have to go to a PTA meeting, can you please recored Star Space for me. I absolutely cannot miss that show!!! [Marjory] Will do honey, good luck at the PTA. .. *Geffrey hurries off to the garage* Rupert, what the hell are you smoking? I don't know, he called it Strawberry Haze or something... Didn't you have a PTA meeting to go to? Yes, yes...
10 Minutes Later...
[Some female parent] Really, does my daughter do so good at school? [Teacher] It's so well, misses, so well, clearly she hasn't gotten her brains from you... [Geffrey] Hello ladies, where do I need to be. Social status, Caitlyn's parent... [Teacher] Oh you need to walk further down the hall, third door on the right... No wait, your left, and it's the second door... Now I'm getting confused, just look for the tag Class 2A... Thanks, I guess... *Geffrey walks to the next room* Hi miss, you must be Caitlyn's teacher?! Who me? No, I'm male and a Janitor, maybe you should look at people instead of your mobile phone before talking to them... Oops, oh wait, there it is. Class 2A...
Hi Mr. Geffrey (lastname unknown), welcome to the classroom where your daughters mind is being cultivated... My daughters something being what what'ed? Cultivated Mr. Geffrey... Is that some kind of derogatory for molding the minds of the young? Something like that, anyway, let me tell you that this will be a breeze. She has high scores, pays attention... (Oh my God, these meetings about Jack and Mark are always so sinister and filled with dark energies...)... anyway... she's doing great... What? Oh sorry, I kinda went blank there for a moment. So she's doing good? Not just good Mr. Geffrey, awesome, like Chaniqua! Great thank you, if there's anything that pops up regarding my daughter, lower scores, less attention span, please contact me immediately...
*Geffrey gets back in his car and drives home
---
Sir, I'd like my aqua translucent! What the hell is aqua, and what the hell is translucent? Let me rephrase that, do you have clean clear drinking water?
You know those restaurants where they all act french? I have a napkin pour ou. I mean, what the hell does pour ou even mean? I don't even speak french. So I looked at the waiter with a question mark on my face. You wanna know what he said? No not really, but do tell. He said absolutely nothing, just stood waiting there holding a napkin in his hand, I was perplexed...
*ZAP* I said wut wut Pizzahut, I said wut wut Pizzahut... *ZAP* Was that Butters doing a promo for Pizza Hut? Who the hell is Butters, and what the hell is Pizza Hut??? I don't know, came suddenly to mind, must've been another timeline... What did you say Rupert? Nothing, never mind...
*ZAP* Mexican authorities have finally captured the speeding racer who calls himself Speedy Gon... *ZAP* Today a game executive had a major expansion, and was sued for sexual harassment.. *ZAP* Today the pope caught on fire when he accidentally... *ZAP* ...So this senior walked into this bar and started beating this bartender with his cane screaming this isn't malt liqour... *ZAP* Today we have a special guest, yes he is in special education but that doesn't mean... *ZAP* Have you ever seen paintbullets explode in someones face without protection? Wel... *ZAP* [Rupert] TV isn't suitable for children at all!!! What are Jack and Mark playing? Oh that's just Super Midget Fighters II Turbo Extreme on the Gamestation... Somehow they got past the social scrutiny and copyright to make this awesome game possible, at least that's what my son says... The blood physics are said to be phenomenal... What the hell Mark and Jack, are those two pixels fighting. THey may look small, but punch just as hard... See when we get closer together it zooms in... See how tall the grass is now compared to the fighters?
*ZAP* A major heatwave struck today and killed several senior citizens, more on this... *ZAP* Today a local child struck it nigga rich when she found a quarter which she used to buy a chewing gum... *ZAP* Oh my god, did you see that Ruup, I was on the news!.. ...later today we will air the feature movie Insane Assailants III... "I believe I can fly... *shots fired*... that was a famous singer, not a ... *ZAP* ...you motherfucking banana sucking whore why the hell did... *ZAP* It seems the more I zap the more inappropriate the material becomes... *ZAP* ...ooh ooh ooh... [Rupert] Okay, this is just straight out porn and it's only 18:49 PM, what the hell is going on... *calls 1-800-CABLEFIRM* Hi this is Lucette, how may Cablefirm assist you today? Hi Lucette, this is Rupert. Oh hey Ruup... Yes yes, I know, everybody knows me... anyway, there was just straight out porn on basic cable in our house. What the hell is going on? Well, we have struck a deal with pornstream.local... So that means? That you, Geffrey or Marjory have to set up parental control... But why was there no warning? Don't know, it all happened so fast, before we knew it porn was on TV. Well please put some effort in preventing these kind of situations in the future. I don't mind, but there are a lot of impressionable kids out there who shouldn't be confronted with this type of content! I wholeheartedly agree sir, but can I offer you the porn pro package for only 2 Moneys for the next 3 months? Does it have cats? No sir! Then no thank you, and sorry if I sounded racist. But as a cat I prefer other cats, not you pink skinned bipedal meat bags...
Dutch people should really try to learn the English Language, or as it is sometimes called The Queen's Language. I can order a can of coke, a cappuccino, pizza, ashtray and espresso in Italy, wave the international I want to pay sign. But in no way shape or form do I know the Italian Language. Oh yeah, by the way, Italian porn sucks... Seriously, the only anal action I can live with is an alien probe...
[Announcer] Welcome to conspiracy now, here's your host Maxis Jaxxon!! [Maxis Jaxxon] Welcome to todays show dear Datawarriors, today we will delve into the subject of weather control. You see, I have it from good and confidential sources that heatwaves are caused by the government. Yes dear viewer, yes, you better believe it. You see during heatwaves a lot of elderly in retirement homes die from respitory issues and whatnot, so it's an easy way to relieve the tension on pension funds. It's all about the money people, and you better believe it. I can remember when summers weren't so hot, nowadays you have to wear a tin foil hat just to cool down your brain, it's insane!!! You know in ancient times they used a sun dial, don't you get it, they used to dial the sun man, the motherfucking sun!! I know this sounds crazy, but listen to this! [Soundbite] Hi, I'm Maxis Jaxxon, I'm offering you the latest in sun screen technology. Watch this hot reporter smear this stuff all over her body! Only 16.99 Moneys a bottle, hey, I have an operation to run!! More on leprechauns after the commercials, do they really speak with an Irish Accent??...
We now present the ultimate in MMORPG technology, you run across the screen clicking too many buttons not using any form of skill and barely hit anything. It's called Timewaster Medieval Adventure, buy now for 59.99 Moneys. And pay 299.99 Moneys in microtransactions to unlock everything, possibly. You see, duplicates you can turn into crafting components, and 200 salvaged weapons will net you a 0.000001% chance of getting an upgraded weapon. We do want to remain fair to our players who do not use micro transactions don't we...
Ik ben niet zomaar boos! Ik ben framboos!!!
Ik was er niet zomaar bij, ik was er aardbei!!!
Dit is geen gewone kuif, dit is hairgel met druif!!!
Dat wijf is zo vet! Je bedoelt zo cool? Nee ze is zo vet dat ze schokabsorbers neutraliseert en airbags implodeert...
When I woke up, there was mist all around me. Apparently my captors were smoking alien cigars. Right now I'm sneaking towards an escape pod. These alien signs an writing are unknown to me, lucky me the fact that those are pretty universal. I see one in the distance, he's drinking some kind of liquid while talking to another captive. I really must get out of here, The Universal Alliance depends on it. And my name isn't Captain Starspace for nothing!!! See it all tonight in Captain Starspace on Channel One... [Geffrey] I cannot miss this, finally something I can watch, it has been years when Space Pull The Next Generation ended. Those sideshows were great as well, Starbase Negro and Female Captain Space were awesome as well. Marjory, Marjory, I have to go to a PTA meeting, can you please recored Star Space for me. I absolutely cannot miss that show!!! [Marjory] Will do honey, good luck at the PTA. .. *Geffrey hurries off to the garage* Rupert, what the hell are you smoking? I don't know, he called it Strawberry Haze or something... Didn't you have a PTA meeting to go to? Yes, yes...
10 Minutes Later...
[Some female parent] Really, does my daughter do so good at school? [Teacher] It's so well, misses, so well, clearly she hasn't gotten her brains from you... [Geffrey] Hello ladies, where do I need to be. Social status, Caitlyn's parent... [Teacher] Oh you need to walk further down the hall, third door on the right... No wait, your left, and it's the second door... Now I'm getting confused, just look for the tag Class 2A... Thanks, I guess... *Geffrey walks to the next room* Hi miss, you must be Caitlyn's teacher?! Who me? No, I'm male and a Janitor, maybe you should look at people instead of your mobile phone before talking to them... Oops, oh wait, there it is. Class 2A...
Hi Mr. Geffrey (lastname unknown), welcome to the classroom where your daughters mind is being cultivated... My daughters something being what what'ed? Cultivated Mr. Geffrey... Is that some kind of derogatory for molding the minds of the young? Something like that, anyway, let me tell you that this will be a breeze. She has high scores, pays attention... (Oh my God, these meetings about Jack and Mark are always so sinister and filled with dark energies...)... anyway... she's doing great... What? Oh sorry, I kinda went blank there for a moment. So she's doing good? Not just good Mr. Geffrey, awesome, like Chaniqua! Great thank you, if there's anything that pops up regarding my daughter, lower scores, less attention span, please contact me immediately...
*Geffrey gets back in his car and drives home
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