Conspiracy Now - Salty Crackers [101319-01]

[Announcer] Welcome to Conspiracy Now, here's your favorite host Maxis Jaxxon!!! [Maxis Jaxxon] This morning on my way to work I ran over a chicken, and it made me realize something. You see we are all chickens run over by the government. One moment you're laying an egg, the next you're as flat as a pancake smeared with ketchup. You know what the ketchup represents? You think it's blood, but you're wrong. The ketchup represents your bank account and the government is doing everything it can to empty it! And the pancake, I'm not even going to elaborate on the pancake. Because we all know what the pancake means don't we? All this talking about pancakes is making me hungry. Which is a perfect opportunity to sell you the following product. You see, this container contains enough crackers to sustain you and your family for two whole months. Order now for only 89.99 Moneys and the shipping is free with coupon code SALTY...

[Maxis Jaxxon] Hi Datawarrior, I present to you Datawars Bodylotion, watch me smear this overpriced product all over my body. Call 1-800-DATAWAR and order a tube today for the introductory price of only 14.99 Moneys...

[Announcer] Want to halve your lifespan and fifty percent off of your funeral costs? Try Trylenexanol now for only 400 Moneys and see if it fits your lifestyle and or outlook on life. [Fast Disclaimer Voice] Warning, Trylenexanol may cause respatory issues, muscle spasms, paralasys, couching, itching, tiredness, sleeplesness, diareah, skin rash, near sightedness, confusion, kidney failure, intestinal inflamation, lung failure, brain anurism and much much more, possibly even death. Consult your physician before use!

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