The Newsaholic Season 1 Episode 8 [090319-02]
This represents a work in progress and is in no way shape or form representative of the final product. You think this is vague? Smoke 2 joints and ask yourself the same question...
♪ I don't care about history, to me it's all a mystery [Caitlyn 12]
♪ I only worry about my homework tomorrow, it feels my brain with sorrow [Jack 14]
♪ Don't worry about things like tomorrow, say is there some money I can borrow [Mark 16]
♪ Ohwell you silly cat tell me more about life ♪ Don't worry I'll do after I finish off my wife [Geffrey] (The dad)
♪ Why the hell am I the last one that gets to speak, If I were a bird I would would peck you to death [Marjory] (The mom)
♪ Hey wait a minute this show isnt about silly old me, its about us humanity being what they could be [Rupert] (Cat]
Rupert, Rupert, what are you watching, oh just some cooking show with hamsters... ...and now we drizzle the hamster with honey... put News Today on, it's supposed to go on right now... *Zap* ...remember, Fook Yoo!! [Announcer] Welcome to News Today, here's your favorite host!! [Talon] Welcome welcome to the one and only real news on the planet, this is News Today and I Talon am your host. Chaniqua is at the scene, let's go to her... [Chaniqua] Yeah this is Chaniqua reporting from the local zoo, there is supposed to be an alien sighting. [Black Zookeeper attendant] Hey Chaniqua, allways nice to see a sister. [Chaniqua] I hear ya brother... [Black Zookeeper Attendant] You see lady Chaniqua, I have seen the alien with my 2 vert own eyes. You see that over there, that's the alien... [Chaniqua] People we don't normally do this but we are approaching the alien... It's looking straight at us and is showing us it's teeth... still approaching, hey wait a minute that's a monkey with a blonde wig and lipstick. This is no alien, someone call animal control. [Talon] Thank you for that intrueging report, apparently someone found it funny to put lipstick and a blonde wig on a monkey at the zoo. And here's the weather. [Weather Announcer] Yeah we rarely report on the weather but we're on alert level chihuahua. Anything the size of a Chihuahua or smaller shouldn't be taken outside, there are heavy windgusts all through our local area. If you can still carry your dog, don't take it outside. [Talon] Thank you for the weather report, that was it for News Today, see you next time folks!! [Announcer] Later in Disturbed Animals, when monkeys go trans species...
[Geffrey] You heard that rupert, someone found it funny enough to put a wig and lipstick on a monkey, who on earth would have thought of that. [Rupert] I have absolutely no idea...
[Sexy Female Announcer] Now at McHamsters, deliciously barbequed Hamster Souflaki. Deliciously marinated Hamsters on a stick served with salad and Tzatziki yoghurt dipping sauce. Eat at our restaurants for the best experience...
[Rupert] Caitlyn, Jack, Mark, get into the family car, Rupert is treating you all tonight... What about mom and dad? You mean geffrey and marjory, they still have those coupons for the all you can eat place at Central Street. He can have his steak with peppersauce and she'll have the tomato soup and roasted salmon as usual, don't these 2 ever try something new. We're going to try something new... Somekind of Greek dishes. I don't know where the country is but the lady in the commercial sure made it sound like something I'd eat. That's because there's hamsters in it, hamsters are cute, I'll be taking a salad thank you. I'm losing you Caitlyn aren't I. Yes you are, in the last two months I have seen 5 documentaries about Hamsters and their living conditions and that makes me sad... They do have the Tuna Bite you know, the crispy tunaburger, succulent on the inside, crispy on the outside. With a layer of mozzarella cheese... You like that don't you Cait? Yeah I'll go for the Tuna, McHamsters does have a certified safe fishing trophy so I guess that's okay.
[Rupert to Geffrey] One of my main rules in life is to prepare for the evitable, because everything is evitable. Don.'t you mean inevitable... No you put the in before it to make it a negative, like incoherent. Okay, now you're being incoherent... What?... What... Never mind I forgot where I was going with this.. Let's go watch TV again... *Zap*
Tonight on Ratman and the Boy wondering where his underpants have gone, an all new adventure below the belt, Don't miss it!!!
[Rupert] I know where his underpants went... [Geffrey] Pssst, Caitlyn's in the room... [Rupert] Never mind what I said, how was school today? [Cait] It was fun Rupert, I got to make a piece of art out of macaroni.... [Rupert] That reminds me, McHamsters has a spaghetti special with macaroni... [Geffrey] Don't say that to Caitlyn anymore, she has gone vegetarian because of the Hamster shortage... *Zap*
Has a cow pooped on your lawn and you need it removed, call 1-800-COWPOO, that is 1-800-COWPOO, we are the ultimate remedy for poo, once again, that is 1-800-COWPOO... Open your call with I love Cowpoo for a 5% off discount!!
Thank you for ?watching?...
Written by Rob van Loon AKA Talon
♪ I don't care about history, to me it's all a mystery [Caitlyn 12]
♪ I only worry about my homework tomorrow, it feels my brain with sorrow [Jack 14]
♪ Don't worry about things like tomorrow, say is there some money I can borrow [Mark 16]
♪ Ohwell you silly cat tell me more about life ♪ Don't worry I'll do after I finish off my wife [Geffrey] (The dad)
♪ Why the hell am I the last one that gets to speak, If I were a bird I would would peck you to death [Marjory] (The mom)
♪ Hey wait a minute this show isnt about silly old me, its about us humanity being what they could be [Rupert] (Cat]
Rupert, Rupert, what are you watching, oh just some cooking show with hamsters... ...and now we drizzle the hamster with honey... put News Today on, it's supposed to go on right now... *Zap* ...remember, Fook Yoo!! [Announcer] Welcome to News Today, here's your favorite host!! [Talon] Welcome welcome to the one and only real news on the planet, this is News Today and I Talon am your host. Chaniqua is at the scene, let's go to her... [Chaniqua] Yeah this is Chaniqua reporting from the local zoo, there is supposed to be an alien sighting. [Black Zookeeper attendant] Hey Chaniqua, allways nice to see a sister. [Chaniqua] I hear ya brother... [Black Zookeeper Attendant] You see lady Chaniqua, I have seen the alien with my 2 vert own eyes. You see that over there, that's the alien... [Chaniqua] People we don't normally do this but we are approaching the alien... It's looking straight at us and is showing us it's teeth... still approaching, hey wait a minute that's a monkey with a blonde wig and lipstick. This is no alien, someone call animal control. [Talon] Thank you for that intrueging report, apparently someone found it funny to put lipstick and a blonde wig on a monkey at the zoo. And here's the weather. [Weather Announcer] Yeah we rarely report on the weather but we're on alert level chihuahua. Anything the size of a Chihuahua or smaller shouldn't be taken outside, there are heavy windgusts all through our local area. If you can still carry your dog, don't take it outside. [Talon] Thank you for the weather report, that was it for News Today, see you next time folks!! [Announcer] Later in Disturbed Animals, when monkeys go trans species...
[Geffrey] You heard that rupert, someone found it funny enough to put a wig and lipstick on a monkey, who on earth would have thought of that. [Rupert] I have absolutely no idea...
[Sexy Female Announcer] Now at McHamsters, deliciously barbequed Hamster Souflaki. Deliciously marinated Hamsters on a stick served with salad and Tzatziki yoghurt dipping sauce. Eat at our restaurants for the best experience...
[Rupert] Caitlyn, Jack, Mark, get into the family car, Rupert is treating you all tonight... What about mom and dad? You mean geffrey and marjory, they still have those coupons for the all you can eat place at Central Street. He can have his steak with peppersauce and she'll have the tomato soup and roasted salmon as usual, don't these 2 ever try something new. We're going to try something new... Somekind of Greek dishes. I don't know where the country is but the lady in the commercial sure made it sound like something I'd eat. That's because there's hamsters in it, hamsters are cute, I'll be taking a salad thank you. I'm losing you Caitlyn aren't I. Yes you are, in the last two months I have seen 5 documentaries about Hamsters and their living conditions and that makes me sad... They do have the Tuna Bite you know, the crispy tunaburger, succulent on the inside, crispy on the outside. With a layer of mozzarella cheese... You like that don't you Cait? Yeah I'll go for the Tuna, McHamsters does have a certified safe fishing trophy so I guess that's okay.
[Rupert to Geffrey] One of my main rules in life is to prepare for the evitable, because everything is evitable. Don.'t you mean inevitable... No you put the in before it to make it a negative, like incoherent. Okay, now you're being incoherent... What?... What... Never mind I forgot where I was going with this.. Let's go watch TV again... *Zap*
Tonight on Ratman and the Boy wondering where his underpants have gone, an all new adventure below the belt, Don't miss it!!!
[Rupert] I know where his underpants went... [Geffrey] Pssst, Caitlyn's in the room... [Rupert] Never mind what I said, how was school today? [Cait] It was fun Rupert, I got to make a piece of art out of macaroni.... [Rupert] That reminds me, McHamsters has a spaghetti special with macaroni... [Geffrey] Don't say that to Caitlyn anymore, she has gone vegetarian because of the Hamster shortage... *Zap*
Has a cow pooped on your lawn and you need it removed, call 1-800-COWPOO, that is 1-800-COWPOO, we are the ultimate remedy for poo, once again, that is 1-800-COWPOO... Open your call with I love Cowpoo for a 5% off discount!!
Thank you for ?watching?...
Written by Rob van Loon AKA Talon
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