The Newsaholic Season 1 Episode 7 - Returning Home [090219-01]
♪ I don't care about history, to me it's all a mystery [Caitlyn 12]
♪ I only worry about my homework tomorrow, it feels my brain with sorrow [Jack 14]
♪ Don't worry about things like tomorrow, say is there some money I can borrow [Mark 16]
♪ Ohwell you silly cat tell me more about life ♪ Don't worry I'll do after I finish off my wife [Geffrey] (The dad)
♪ Why the hell am I the last one that gets to speak, If I were a bird I would would peck you to death [Marjory] (The mom)
♪ Hey wait a minute this show isnt about silly old me, its about us humanity being what they could be [Rupert] (Cat]
LAST TIME ON NEWSAHOLIC...
[Caitlyn, Jack & Mark] Pizza Pizza Pizza, [some muffled noise from the trunk whom nobody paid attention to] pizza pizza pizza. [Geffrey] Okay, that does it, I had enough of this pizza pizza pizza, [Caitlyn] Aw Dad... [Dad] Pizza for everyone, you all get a whole pizza, I was just messing with you, couldn't resist it. Rupert not hungry again, how many Hamsters does he consume on a daily basis? Ah well, let's eat family...
AND NOW THE STORY CONTINUES...
[Rupert] OMG, I'm here all alone in this vacated village, woohooo... This is a burglars dream come true, no wait, a catburglars dream come true. OMG, people have actually left their doors open in the panic to evactuate, this is insane. Let's go to the neighbours first. No wait, I have to do my burglaring interrmittently, lol it has the word mitten in it. Anyway, here's an open door. Hmm, nope, poor people's house, next. Wait a minute I can go where the rich live, they'll never supsected it was me meow. *Rupert visits many many house and 2 hours elapse* Ok meow, let's get on with business... Hey these people have a lot... *rupert enters the house* OMG, silverware, who would have thought. *enters bedroom* An open safe, pff, hey wait a minute there's still a bunch of hundreds in it and a bag of weed. Mine meow... *Rupert lights up a joint* Okay let's go nextdoor... *Rupert enters the next house* What are these letters on the table, medical bills... This boy has cancer, you know what I'm going to leave the money in his bedroom... *R enters bedroom* Heyhey, what do we have here, delicious chocolate, I can use this to bribe a security guard in the future. *Rupert steals chocolate bars and leaves 12,000 Moneys*... Okay next house... *Rupert enters next house* Heyhey meow, is that mocaine, the illegal stuff that they harvest from GEH's???!!! I'm getting the heck out of here, if they trace that to me I'm dead. You know what, if I jump on this high powered motorcycle I can get to the hotel by morning and replace myself with the walkie talkie in the trunk of Greggs car... I'm not that much better off but hey, I got weed!!! *Rupert drives to the hotel and gets in the trunk* ...10 minutes later... *Greg opens the trunk* Hey there kitty of mine... Please just call me Rupert... Nah you'll always be just a kitty to me... Anyway, you want breakfast, I had them open a can of tuna and let them put some oregano on it... ...I'm in man, totally in... ...Wait a minute, have you been smoking weed in my car... ...Could be, it was a long night, I don't really remember what happened... ...Just so you know, it is you who has to travel in that compartment, not me... CJM Hey.... there's our lovely kitty... ...it's cat nowadays thank you, but hey why discuss things at this moment, let's eat. *family eats breakfast* [Marjory] You know what, you've had to sleep all night in the trunk cause we forgot about you and they probably wouldn't have allowed a cat to sleep here. So, on the way back you're sitting on my lap. [Rupert] If cats could smile I'd have one right now, thank you!!!
Part 2
and now in the news, massive burglar rampage in ,our local village, plunderers on the loose in our village people. Many victimized... Losses primarily jewelry, money, drugs and what, people you won't believe this, even chocolate from a young boy with cancer
Rupert Rupert you hear that, chocolate from a boy with cancer who would have thought humanity could sink so low, Rupert why are you so quit, just taking it all in... However, the boy did receive 12,000 Moneys from this burglar making him... wait a minute, this just in. The boy was just checked in at the local Hospital... Yes this is Doctor Hospital, yes The Doctor Hospital at the Hospital serving as a Doctor, who would've thought. Anyway, this boy was 2 grams of sugar away from diabetes. So not only did he receive money for his treatment which would save his life. But the boy was also rescued from getting diabetes which also saved his life! [Rupert] What the fuck??? ...we at the local news station have deemed the burglar the person of the month [Rupert & Geffrey] What the fuck!!! ...the actual person of the month is at this moment unknown, at large and possibly deemed dangerous... *Zap* [Announcer] Welcome to News Today, here's your favorite host!! [Talon] Good afternoon people, and welcome back home in our local town. Chaniqua my precious Merci. Chaniqua [Chaniqua] You mean those chocolates, I mind you calling me that so there better be one when I get back. Apparently the Authorities are now looking actively for the hero burglar... [Rupert] Oh jeez, I hope I did not leave any trails of my expedition... [Geffrey (name pending, could become Gregg, I keep typing Gregg instead of Geffrey...)] Do I smell something on you Rupert? Is that what i think it is, you gotta let me in on it this time man, you owe me. [Rupert] Well I could thank you for keeping me in the trunk all night... Ohwell, okay I ain't the worst person around, here's some mints for when you get back out of the garage I think Marjory would mind. Dad, what are going to do? Uhm, Caitlyn, daddy has to do some stuff in the garage why don't you go play on your Gamestation Ultimate Pro. Okay dad... *Rupert and Geffrey enter the garage* Oh man, what on earth is that smell, penetrating my nose. Oh, oops, I left the frikandel special behind. OMG man, what the hell is that hellish stench... Those are the onion bits! Let's go smoke outside, I think I'm gonna faint. Okay man, your casa... ...[Geffrey] Let me get the first hit... Geffrey..Man oh man does that hit the spot, I'm so high right now. That was just the tobacco geffrey, it takes two hits to get to the hasjish... ...10 Minutes later... Marjory, marjory, do we have any cookies left in the house? (OMG he has smoked again with Rupert and is trying to hide it) I don't know dear why don't you check the cupboard... OMG Chocolate chip cookies, Rupert, Rupert... Hey where did he go, ohwell, time for a movie... *Zap* [Soundbite] ...is only 2,000 of us left, how on earth will we survive. Listen to this man... People, people, listen, we must destroy all technology so the apes cannot copy us... [Announcer] Continent of te Monkeys starts in five minutes... [Mark/Jack] Nice dad, finally a movie after all this ordeal, Caitlyn, Caitlyn, come downstairs we're doing a family movie knight, Marjory is already preparing dip for the chips...
Thank you for ?watching?...
Written by Rob van Loon AKA Talon
♪ I only worry about my homework tomorrow, it feels my brain with sorrow [Jack 14]
♪ Don't worry about things like tomorrow, say is there some money I can borrow [Mark 16]
♪ Ohwell you silly cat tell me more about life ♪ Don't worry I'll do after I finish off my wife [Geffrey] (The dad)
♪ Why the hell am I the last one that gets to speak, If I were a bird I would would peck you to death [Marjory] (The mom)
♪ Hey wait a minute this show isnt about silly old me, its about us humanity being what they could be [Rupert] (Cat]
LAST TIME ON NEWSAHOLIC...
[Caitlyn, Jack & Mark] Pizza Pizza Pizza, [some muffled noise from the trunk whom nobody paid attention to] pizza pizza pizza. [Geffrey] Okay, that does it, I had enough of this pizza pizza pizza, [Caitlyn] Aw Dad... [Dad] Pizza for everyone, you all get a whole pizza, I was just messing with you, couldn't resist it. Rupert not hungry again, how many Hamsters does he consume on a daily basis? Ah well, let's eat family...
AND NOW THE STORY CONTINUES...
[Rupert] OMG, I'm here all alone in this vacated village, woohooo... This is a burglars dream come true, no wait, a catburglars dream come true. OMG, people have actually left their doors open in the panic to evactuate, this is insane. Let's go to the neighbours first. No wait, I have to do my burglaring interrmittently, lol it has the word mitten in it. Anyway, here's an open door. Hmm, nope, poor people's house, next. Wait a minute I can go where the rich live, they'll never supsected it was me meow. *Rupert visits many many house and 2 hours elapse* Ok meow, let's get on with business... Hey these people have a lot... *rupert enters the house* OMG, silverware, who would have thought. *enters bedroom* An open safe, pff, hey wait a minute there's still a bunch of hundreds in it and a bag of weed. Mine meow... *Rupert lights up a joint* Okay let's go nextdoor... *Rupert enters the next house* What are these letters on the table, medical bills... This boy has cancer, you know what I'm going to leave the money in his bedroom... *R enters bedroom* Heyhey, what do we have here, delicious chocolate, I can use this to bribe a security guard in the future. *Rupert steals chocolate bars and leaves 12,000 Moneys*... Okay next house... *Rupert enters next house* Heyhey meow, is that mocaine, the illegal stuff that they harvest from GEH's???!!! I'm getting the heck out of here, if they trace that to me I'm dead. You know what, if I jump on this high powered motorcycle I can get to the hotel by morning and replace myself with the walkie talkie in the trunk of Greggs car... I'm not that much better off but hey, I got weed!!! *Rupert drives to the hotel and gets in the trunk* ...10 minutes later... *Greg opens the trunk* Hey there kitty of mine... Please just call me Rupert... Nah you'll always be just a kitty to me... Anyway, you want breakfast, I had them open a can of tuna and let them put some oregano on it... ...I'm in man, totally in... ...Wait a minute, have you been smoking weed in my car... ...Could be, it was a long night, I don't really remember what happened... ...Just so you know, it is you who has to travel in that compartment, not me... CJM Hey.... there's our lovely kitty... ...it's cat nowadays thank you, but hey why discuss things at this moment, let's eat. *family eats breakfast* [Marjory] You know what, you've had to sleep all night in the trunk cause we forgot about you and they probably wouldn't have allowed a cat to sleep here. So, on the way back you're sitting on my lap. [Rupert] If cats could smile I'd have one right now, thank you!!!
Part 2
and now in the news, massive burglar rampage in ,our local village, plunderers on the loose in our village people. Many victimized... Losses primarily jewelry, money, drugs and what, people you won't believe this, even chocolate from a young boy with cancer
Rupert Rupert you hear that, chocolate from a boy with cancer who would have thought humanity could sink so low, Rupert why are you so quit, just taking it all in... However, the boy did receive 12,000 Moneys from this burglar making him... wait a minute, this just in. The boy was just checked in at the local Hospital... Yes this is Doctor Hospital, yes The Doctor Hospital at the Hospital serving as a Doctor, who would've thought. Anyway, this boy was 2 grams of sugar away from diabetes. So not only did he receive money for his treatment which would save his life. But the boy was also rescued from getting diabetes which also saved his life! [Rupert] What the fuck??? ...we at the local news station have deemed the burglar the person of the month [Rupert & Geffrey] What the fuck!!! ...the actual person of the month is at this moment unknown, at large and possibly deemed dangerous... *Zap* [Announcer] Welcome to News Today, here's your favorite host!! [Talon] Good afternoon people, and welcome back home in our local town. Chaniqua my precious Merci. Chaniqua [Chaniqua] You mean those chocolates, I mind you calling me that so there better be one when I get back. Apparently the Authorities are now looking actively for the hero burglar... [Rupert] Oh jeez, I hope I did not leave any trails of my expedition... [Geffrey (name pending, could become Gregg, I keep typing Gregg instead of Geffrey...)] Do I smell something on you Rupert? Is that what i think it is, you gotta let me in on it this time man, you owe me. [Rupert] Well I could thank you for keeping me in the trunk all night... Ohwell, okay I ain't the worst person around, here's some mints for when you get back out of the garage I think Marjory would mind. Dad, what are going to do? Uhm, Caitlyn, daddy has to do some stuff in the garage why don't you go play on your Gamestation Ultimate Pro. Okay dad... *Rupert and Geffrey enter the garage* Oh man, what on earth is that smell, penetrating my nose. Oh, oops, I left the frikandel special behind. OMG man, what the hell is that hellish stench... Those are the onion bits! Let's go smoke outside, I think I'm gonna faint. Okay man, your casa... ...[Geffrey] Let me get the first hit... Geffrey..Man oh man does that hit the spot, I'm so high right now. That was just the tobacco geffrey, it takes two hits to get to the hasjish... ...10 Minutes later... Marjory, marjory, do we have any cookies left in the house? (OMG he has smoked again with Rupert and is trying to hide it) I don't know dear why don't you check the cupboard... OMG Chocolate chip cookies, Rupert, Rupert... Hey where did he go, ohwell, time for a movie... *Zap* [Soundbite] ...is only 2,000 of us left, how on earth will we survive. Listen to this man... People, people, listen, we must destroy all technology so the apes cannot copy us... [Announcer] Continent of te Monkeys starts in five minutes... [Mark/Jack] Nice dad, finally a movie after all this ordeal, Caitlyn, Caitlyn, come downstairs we're doing a family movie knight, Marjory is already preparing dip for the chips...
Thank you for ?watching?...
Written by Rob van Loon AKA Talon
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