News Tonight - Terminator found in local forrest [091719-01] *****

[Announcer] Welcome to News Tonight, here's your favorite host!!! [Talon] Welcome people, do we have a story for you tonight, Chaniqua is on the scene in our local forrest. Chaniqua? [Chaniqua] Welcome here in our local forrest where a stranger than fiction story took place. What was first thought to be an inactive terminator has now been designated as a human corpse with 2 prostethic legs and one prosthetic arm. The local forrest ranger had the following to say. [Forrest Ranger] I swear, it looked like a terminator. The many mechanical components led to the belief we were dealing with a terminator instead of a human with prostethics. The fact that all his prostethics were chrome coated and he was lying naked wearing a leather jacket and holding a shotgun. So you see Chaniqua why it was easy for to determine we were dealing with a human corpse. [Chaniqua] Has the man been identified yet? [Forrest Ranger] Not yet, but there aren't too many people with 2 prostethic legs and a prostethic arm so the searh will be conducted by the police in collaboration with local hospitals. I even heard Doctor Hospital is on the case so I feel confident about the whole situation. [Chaniqua] Thank you so much for this interview and back to you Talon... [Talon] Amazing reporting Chaniqua, and now a story about a pilot with claustrophobia that only eats cereal, he is very cereal about it... Sorry for the pun, we will be back after the commercials...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

MCB 2019 Announcement!!! [103019-0E]

[Announcer] This Saturday, save the date, do not go out to dinner, don't talk to your family... Yes, yes you're thinking what I'm thinking, throw away everything else and sit in front of the TV at twenty hundred hours, because it's the yearly event we have all been waiting for. 30 Comedians, One hour, containing the most offensive jokes in history. This years host of MCB Mega Comedy Blast will be our channels favorite host, Talon. [Talon] Hi, I'm Talon and this year I will be hosting MGC, and I promise you it will be the most offensive event in history... [Announcer] This saturday at eight, don't miss it!!! (When the Olympics happened I wasn't able to come online so I had to forfeit that effort, fingers crossed!!)
Read more

Most offensive post of the day - Lootboxes [102819-01]

What do you call a store who's cameras aren't equipped with nigga optics? A lootbox! [Marjory] Rupert, how can you say such a thing, that's racist and offensive... [Rupert] I'm sorry Marjory, but it had to be said... But I do have one thing to add, why did the looters leave all the black sneakers behind and only went for the white sneakers? That's because you can see dirt on white sneakers more easily and we all know these people like to get offended... [Marjory] Like to, or are? [Rupert] Both! If this was too offensive for you, please call 1-800-IDONTCARE right now and receive 15% off of your next telephone bill, because we all know you like to whine endlessly... [Disclaimer Voice] Hi dear viewer, every expression and opinion made by this company does not reflect the company. Edit/Addon/Etc Lootboxes should be renamed, I mean gamers nowadays act like a bunch of cheap whores. Lootboxes should be called Pimpbribes instead you know, to reflect it's actual ef...
Read more

Opinion Today - Looking intelligent while wearing glasses [101719-02]

[Announcer] Welcome to Opinion Today, here's your host! [Top Host] Hi, and welcome to the first episode of Opinion Today where one guest gets five minutes to explain their viewpoint. Why do people wearing glasses look more intelligent than they actually are? [Unknown Expert] You see, in medieval times where glasses probably were introduced barely anyone could read. This remained so for centuries without change, so it's engrained into our societal perspectives that those who wear glasses have the ability to read. Back in those times if you wore glasses it was obvious you had an education and could write and read, thus proving you are more intelligent than the person next to you. Whether this is due to collective perception or cultural perception is up for debate, but no one can deny that we have the perspective that glasses make you look educated and intelligent. That's all I have to say about this matter right meow. [Top Host] Thank you "Unknown Expert"... We will...
Read more