News Tonight - Chicken Advancement [090819-01]

[Announcer] Welcome to News Tonight, here's your host!! [Talon] Welcome dear viewer, this is a story about chickens once more, Chaniqua has all the details... Chaniqua? [Chaniqua] Hi... Apparently the chicken community has bought a personal computer with internet service as they created a www.youstream.local channel and uploaded a video wherein an airborne chicken goes airborne and released an intercontinental ballistic missile it carried in it's claws. The implications of this news, or upload if you'd like to call it are truly earth shattering. Now it's not just sidewinder missiles but actual intercontinental ballistic missiles. [Soundbite with german accent] Ze implicatzions of zis are truly great, but we muzt keep our headz calm in ze face of such a threat. [Talon] Thank you for the update Chaniqua, we will keep you apprised as the story continues to evolve... And yes apparently the chickens are evolving as well. Next up, a story about a cow that Moo's on demand has been hired as an artist in an off beat music group. We will let you hear some samples after these commercials...

[Announcer] Don't you just love cow meat, then try our delicous Double McHamsters Burger... One burger made entirely out of Hamster, and the other one entirely out of cow. It's delicous!!! Order now at www.mchamsters.local or call 1-800-MCHAMSTERS...

[Electronic voice] TRANSGENDERS... [Soundbite] Daddy is that a robot, I don't know what it is son, but it seems to be biological with silicone implants... Oh boy, look at the size of those, that can't be no nano technology, are you kidding me. Daddy, why are those so big? Avert your eyes son, do not let those implants deceive you... See it all tonight on SDIA's special about the societal implication regarding breast implants for men. With the latest movie of Transgenders coming out it's important to recap the previous installments and shed some light on the social complications it causes, Don't miss it!!!

*Zap*

[Announcer] Welcome back to News Tonight, here's your host!! [Talon] With the latest chicken square people are eating more chicken than ever to counteract this next step in their development... The chicken president had this to say... [Soundbite] Tok, tok tok tok, tok... [Talon] Wise words indeed, I think we can all take a lesson from that! Who would have thought this would be their reply. Later in the news, a self conscious midget with height issues bought stelts in order to become taller than everyone else. He forgot one thing, the stelts were infested with termites and he fell into a river... More on this after the commercials...

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