News Live - Monkey Business [091619-03]

[Announcer] Welcome to News Live, Chaniqua is on the scene... [Chaniqua] Apparently a monkey has escaped from the zoo, and not just any monkey, it's a demented chimpansee armed with a napkin. Local authorities have been updated on the fact that the chimpansee has a napkin. Zoo personel has 2 jeeps dispatched into our city with sedative ammo. Two hours ago it, I mean she, took a glass of water from a terrass... Personel and visitors were shocked and a trauma recovery team is underway. Back to the monkey, it's now classified as a fugitive and has been placed on the international watch list and suspected to be armed with a fully automatic assault rifle. Though highly unlikely that the Chimpansee will catch a flight airfield security has been increased, even though a Chimpansee is not able to order plane tickets. The price of latex handgloves and vaseline soared today on the stock exchange. I'd like to wish you all a pleasant flight, but that is highly subjective for you all so I'll refrain... [Talon] More on this in News Tonight...

[Heavy commercial voice] Do you wake up in the morning, does the sky look blue on a sunny day, is water wet, does grandma give you candy or is cola black. If you suffer from any of these symptons, call 1-800-IAMINSANE...

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