Conspiracy Now - Toilet Paper [090319-01-X01]

[Announcer] Welcome to Conspiracy Now, here's your host!! [Top Host] You see that man over there? Zoom in with the camera... Okay, you see that man over there? That man has gone to the bathroom this morning and pooped. Yes people it's called pooping, anyway, you know who also poops, the elite people. The elite also poop, and I have it on good authority that they piss and fart as well. You've heard it here first on Conspiracy Now. This is toiletpaper, you see that, it's white, it's white people! Remember, even though we are the resistance, we urge you to use toiletpaper with less resistance. So I'm launching my own productline in the area of toilet paper to give you the true heros in this epic battle the best toilet experience in human history. See it's ligned with Aloe vera and some other hard to come by substances. This toilet paper is truly locally made, maybe your own mother helped to create with what you wipe your ass with, remember that!!! We will now go to commercials and discuss the ever increasing Hamster threat...

[CN Host] For millenia people had to wipe their asses with leaves, all that ends now with our DataWar's very own toilet paper brand. You see we make paper from locally collected trees and treat it with skin balming and calming substances for the ultimate toilet experience... Order now today for only 13.99 Moneys for a 16 roll pack of our very own toilet paper brand. Call now, 1-800-DATAWAR [Asian AD Man] or order online at www.fookyoo.local, remember, Fook Yoo!!

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