Conspiracy Now - Soccerballs [091219-03]
[Announcer] Welcome to Conspiracy Now, here's your top host! [Maxis Jaxxon] Have you ever eaten an apple and truly looked at it? It's curves and texture. And don't disregard the taste... Apples are green people, get used to it. You know what's also green? Grass! And I don't mean weed, I mean actual grass where people play soccer on. Have you ever seen a soccer ball, it's round people, don't you friggin get it, a ball is round. This is truly an artifcial assertation! My great grandma told me soccerballs are oval, she said God came to her in a dream and said soccerballs are oval, true story. Off course those who disagree call oval soccerballs rugbyballs, but you don't even want to go into a discussion with those morons, everyone know that soccerballs are oval. Yes people, I'm taking an unpopular stance, please bear with me, I will be back after the commercials where I sell you stuff you don't need...
[Maxis Jaxxon] Seeing people stressed bothers me, that's why I have developed Nonweed Pro, it does the same thing as smoking weed, but without the side effects of being happy and such... Order now for only 27.99 Moneys a bottle. It might seem expensive, and hell it is, I do have an operation to run you know... Call 1-800-DATAWARS or order online at www.datawarshop.local. [Chinese AD Man] You can also order at www.fookyoo,local, remember, always Fook Yoo!!
[Maxis Jaxxon] Today a spiritualist attempted to walk on water, rescue services were quickly on the scene, but the man had already drowned. This is a sad day for humanity and a reminder to us all that people can not actually walk on water. Here's a local expert. I might be an expert at our local water bottling factory, but I know a deal or two. You see water is a liquid and humans can only walk on solid materials, that's whyt they keep failing, and that's exactly why the government keeps this information suppressed. They just don't want you to know...
[Maxis Jaxxon] Have you ever seen Dawn, it's orange man, you know what's also orange, orange juice. Yes people. orange juice, therein lies the problem. Everybody thinks about dictators and such, but they forget the mandarin in the story. You see mandarin is a chinese language and we all know what that means don't we. Yes you know, and don't you deny or forget it. The color orange has to do with asians, think about Peking Duck, it's prepared with oranges. You see the integral connection in this all? Is it becoming clear in your mind, I do hope so, because you the viewer and the listener are truly the one and only true resistance in the face of evil...
[Maxis Jaxxon] Seeing people stressed bothers me, that's why I have developed Nonweed Pro, it does the same thing as smoking weed, but without the side effects of being happy and such... Order now for only 27.99 Moneys a bottle. It might seem expensive, and hell it is, I do have an operation to run you know... Call 1-800-DATAWARS or order online at www.datawarshop.local. [Chinese AD Man] You can also order at www.fookyoo,local, remember, always Fook Yoo!!
[Maxis Jaxxon] Today a spiritualist attempted to walk on water, rescue services were quickly on the scene, but the man had already drowned. This is a sad day for humanity and a reminder to us all that people can not actually walk on water. Here's a local expert. I might be an expert at our local water bottling factory, but I know a deal or two. You see water is a liquid and humans can only walk on solid materials, that's whyt they keep failing, and that's exactly why the government keeps this information suppressed. They just don't want you to know...
[Maxis Jaxxon] Have you ever seen Dawn, it's orange man, you know what's also orange, orange juice. Yes people. orange juice, therein lies the problem. Everybody thinks about dictators and such, but they forget the mandarin in the story. You see mandarin is a chinese language and we all know what that means don't we. Yes you know, and don't you deny or forget it. The color orange has to do with asians, think about Peking Duck, it's prepared with oranges. You see the integral connection in this all? Is it becoming clear in your mind, I do hope so, because you the viewer and the listener are truly the one and only true resistance in the face of evil...
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