Skit from Newsaholic [081519-01]

Newsaholic, name of show is pending....


[GF] Honey what are you watching? [M] Oh nothing, I just switched on the religious channel...

[Pastor] You see 444 is the self contained dynamic for breathable air on earth, you see what plants breathe, animals exhale, and vica versa, now pray to the holy squirrel.... For the holy scriptures say, on Holy Squirrel Day ye shall pray to the squirrel... And people remember, next week is Holy Hamster Day, McHamsters will be closed for the day...

[GF] Don't you feel any guilt for all this Rupert? [RP] What for, I'm 444, I'm a friggin cat man.
[GF] I don't know whats worse, his eating habbits or the fact I'm talking to a cat.

[Female Announcer] Try now, Hamster Mega Deluxe, it puts the ham in hamster, the ultimate in hamsterburgers. It's only 6.95 Moneys. Call 1-800-MCHAMSTER order online at www.mchamster.local. Order online and receive 3 crispy squirrel bits for free...

[GF] You hear that, Hamster Mega Deluxe... [RP] Yeah I already heard, I'm calling right now...

Update, here's some more stuff...

[RP] GF, do you remember your earliest memories? I do. I remember you saying to me when I was a kitten... [Soundbite GF] Rupert, Rupert, is that a hamster in your mouth? [RP] Mnow Mnow this isw a mwouse is sweyar... [GF] Good, as long as it's a mouse I'm okay with it, you do know I work for McMice right and I can't have my cat eating hamsters, those delicous McHamsterburgers, Hmmm [RP] Why are you gazing off into the distance? [GF] Oh nothing, just those taste enhancing chemicals at McHamsters really work like a drug! [RP] Really GF, I might try em sometimes when I get older...

[M] Good morning dear, the hamster's ready. [RP] Ah delicious breakfast here I come. [M] Not so fast, it's Jacks Hamster, from his school. [RP] *gulp*  [M] He's supposed to take care of it this week. Hey, where did the hamster go??? [RP] I dwon't know, less look arouwnd!!!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

MCB 2019 Announcement!!! [103019-0E]

[Announcer] This Saturday, save the date, do not go out to dinner, don't talk to your family... Yes, yes you're thinking what I'm thinking, throw away everything else and sit in front of the TV at twenty hundred hours, because it's the yearly event we have all been waiting for. 30 Comedians, One hour, containing the most offensive jokes in history. This years host of MCB Mega Comedy Blast will be our channels favorite host, Talon. [Talon] Hi, I'm Talon and this year I will be hosting MGC, and I promise you it will be the most offensive event in history... [Announcer] This saturday at eight, don't miss it!!! (When the Olympics happened I wasn't able to come online so I had to forfeit that effort, fingers crossed!!)
Read more

Most offensive post of the day - Lootboxes [102819-01]

What do you call a store who's cameras aren't equipped with nigga optics? A lootbox! [Marjory] Rupert, how can you say such a thing, that's racist and offensive... [Rupert] I'm sorry Marjory, but it had to be said... But I do have one thing to add, why did the looters leave all the black sneakers behind and only went for the white sneakers? That's because you can see dirt on white sneakers more easily and we all know these people like to get offended... [Marjory] Like to, or are? [Rupert] Both! If this was too offensive for you, please call 1-800-IDONTCARE right now and receive 15% off of your next telephone bill, because we all know you like to whine endlessly... [Disclaimer Voice] Hi dear viewer, every expression and opinion made by this company does not reflect the company. Edit/Addon/Etc Lootboxes should be renamed, I mean gamers nowadays act like a bunch of cheap whores. Lootboxes should be called Pimpbribes instead you know, to reflect it's actual ef...
Read more

Opinion Today - Looking intelligent while wearing glasses [101719-02]

[Announcer] Welcome to Opinion Today, here's your host! [Top Host] Hi, and welcome to the first episode of Opinion Today where one guest gets five minutes to explain their viewpoint. Why do people wearing glasses look more intelligent than they actually are? [Unknown Expert] You see, in medieval times where glasses probably were introduced barely anyone could read. This remained so for centuries without change, so it's engrained into our societal perspectives that those who wear glasses have the ability to read. Back in those times if you wore glasses it was obvious you had an education and could write and read, thus proving you are more intelligent than the person next to you. Whether this is due to collective perception or cultural perception is up for debate, but no one can deny that we have the perspective that glasses make you look educated and intelligent. That's all I have to say about this matter right meow. [Top Host] Thank you "Unknown Expert"... We will...
Read more