News Tonight [080219-01]

[Announcer] Welcome to News Tonight, here's your top host!! [Talon] Mortality rate along the elderly has not risen the last decade, one local senior started asking the question why elderly still die since there has been no increase. [Senior] You listen... [Chaniqua] We will soon know why elderly are still dying if this weird old coot won't shut up!! [Talon] Chaniqua, control yourself, we already have one lawsuit on our hands since you singlehandedly took care of all the dyslectic hamsters yourself with your sawed off. [Chaniqua] Yes those hamsters really ticked me off... [Talon] Oh my god here we go again, please stop with the hamsters already. Animal rights activists are holding a demonstration outside. Wait what, I'm getting something in my newsfeed prompter, supposedly covering elderly still dying. Sorry people, can't make heads or tails from it anymore. Wonderful reporting Chaniqua, and now we switch to Lectic Hamsters who distance themselves from the DYSlectic...

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