News Today [080319-01]

[Announcer] Welcome to News Today, here's your favorite host!! [Talon] Welcome to the news people, today we have a story for you. Chaniqua is on the scene and has the details... [Chaniqua] Apparently a local man claiming to be harry potter beat up a senior woman with a twig, a local had this to say. [Local Woman] He walked into my front yard, stuck his hand in my bush. [Chaniqua] Stuck his hand in your bush? [Local Woman] Yes he stuck his hand in my bush, that hazelnut bush over there. He took a twig from it and ran away when I asked him why he'd stuck his hand in my bush??? [Chaniqua] And, did he answer as to why he stuck his hand in your bush? [Local Woman] I would love the story about him sticking his hand in my bush but I was left without answers... [Talon] Above expected reporting Chaniqua, we will continue the story after the commercial break, and will also have an interview with a haemophobic dyslectic hamster who recently discovered his traumatic affliction...

[Female Announcer] If you suspect an armed dyslectic hamster is in the neighbourhood or see one, do not approach it under any circumstances, call 1-800-ICHAMSTER and an armed response will be on it's way in mere seconds. Again, 1-800-ICHAMSTER

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