News Today & Olympic News [020819-01]

[Announcer] Welcome to News Today, here's your host!! [Talon] Good afternoon and welcome to todays show where we delve into the continuating story surrounding the shoplifter story, He went choplifter stealing stores after he stole enough money for 4 chinooks, which surprisingly turned out to be not illegal by law because there aint one. Chaniqua has the full story, where's my chocolate delight? [Chaniqua] Right here at the new themepark filled with stores and celebrity housing created or supposedly stolen by the shoplifter, or should I say choplifter you dairy king. Apparently the "shoplifter" is now stealing celebrity mansions via airlift helicopters... one occupant celebrity had this to say. [Occupant] Now my house is either here nor there, but that is neithere here nor there... [Chaniqua] Tom Cruz's house was also stolen, luckily he came out of the closet in time and exited his home. He declined to comment on the situation... [Talon] Chaniqua, thanks, those moviestars always make me laugh, and now we switch to a story about telekinetic pigeons trhowing birdpoop, see it all on Disturbing Animals...

[Announcer] Welcome to Olympic News, here's your host!! [Top Host] Welcome to the latest Olympic Season. Today in Olympic News we switch to Twitch Babes enter olympics with Cat Throwing, isn't that meow-tastic? Chaniqua? [Chaniqua] Yes, today I'm here for the try out event to submit Cat Throwing to the olympics, and yes not the animal olympics. But even before the event started animal control took away all the cats so now they're throwing plushe cat animals instead of real ones. There are already talks of changing out the cotton center with sand and the like to increase distance. [Top Host] Thanks for this intrigueing update Chaniqua, we wil update as the story progresses. Also several cats were harmed during this incident. Terrible, I know, but wait, we now switch to a story about puppy catching. Is it ethical to throw them from buildings in an attempt to catch them?...

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