Conspiracy Now [082519-01] - Butter
[Announcer] Welcome to Conspiracy Now where we shine a light on the weelings and dealings of our local government. Here's your favorite host!! [Top Host] We here at Conspiracy Now are conducting the most dangerous mission in the history of mankind. We found some old butter in the fridge and are preparing the top yellow layer. Yes people, we are about to find out the most significant question in human history. What is the color of butter, yes people, have you ever asked yourself the question, what color is butter? We neither till we got an anonymous phonecall by one of the listeners. [Anonymous caller] Yes, I have seen many egg yolks but we are facing the most dangerous question of all time, what is the color of butter. [Top Host] You see people, the government likes to hide things, and we are about to find out the most hidden thing or question of all. What is the color of butter? We will back after the commercials, where we will apply butter to a sandwich, I know people it's pretty out there, who the hell puts butter on a sandwich. [Announcer] We will be back after the commercials...
Extra stuff:
I'm requesting Asylum!! [Arabic Voice] Yes, yes insane asylum, we have those... I'm a political fugitive!!! Yes, yes you are a polite fugitive. No that's not what I meant, I'm seeking refuge... What did you say, do you refuse? Are we speaking the same language, do you speak English? What, do you want to tell me your final wish. You are doing this on purpose aren't you? Yes, yes, my favorite color is blue.
You know that 6 out of 10 local people like pizza, Hitler liked pizza. Call 1-800-STOPIZZA, I repeat, call 1-800-STOPPIZZA. Hi, I'm ??? the top shareholder of McHamsters running for major and I approve this message...
Do you eat breakfast, well you'll say but everyone eats breakfast. But have you ever realized that Hitler also ate breakfast? Hi, I'm ??? the top shareholder of McHamsters running for major and I approve this message...
What's up with all these commercials using Hitler? Well, ever since Grunbau was elected president 5 years ago Hitler has fallen out of fashion and is no longer seen as the major villain in human history
Ever since war has erupted people have become weary of negative terms like cluster bombs. So as of today, and yes this is official. Cluster bombs will renamed into popsicles. "This is Alpha One Zero carrying a payload of popsicles and nearing target drop zone" "Alpha Zero One, Alpha Zero One, this is air control, did you succeed?" "Yes, mission is a success, I dropped the popsicles, there was confetti everywhere and people were screaming of pure joy" Also in the news, the army has developped a fully automatic puppy that fires 56 skittles per second. Unfortunately one can not use M&M's as ammo...
People, welcome to the real news, this is Conspiracy Now. The government is suppressing vital information. I have it on good authority and hidden connections that the government has developed a new recipe for chocolate milk and is hiding it from the public. We here at Conspiracy Now believe in a future with an honest and transparent government. Talking about transparancy, the chocolate milk is not transparent. It has a brownish colour and well people, it's no sense in hiding it anymore. A government operative visited me last night and gave me this. People, everyone, especially on the internet live feed. Look at this, this people, is a glass filled with chocolate milk. And to prove to you all how brave I am, I will drink this glass of chocolate milk. Listen people, listen, this chocolate milk tastes like chocolate milk, who would have thought that. There's still 2 sips in the glass. Hey Joe, this is Joe our cameraman, taste this chocolate milk. Yes, yes it does taste like chocolate milk. Here's our expert. [Expert X] Hi, thank you for having me. People, it's all about money. You see last year the chocolate milk cartel invested 3 billion Moneys into the future of the market. The whole problem with this new chocolate milk is that the recipe was made by a local company not part of the cartel. They are affraid to lose their market share in this current enviroment. [Top Host] There you have it folks, the government has started a war against chocolate milk's evolution into the next century. Next up, a demented maniac armed with a plastic spoon assaulted a local shopping mall today...
Extra stuff:
I'm requesting Asylum!! [Arabic Voice] Yes, yes insane asylum, we have those... I'm a political fugitive!!! Yes, yes you are a polite fugitive. No that's not what I meant, I'm seeking refuge... What did you say, do you refuse? Are we speaking the same language, do you speak English? What, do you want to tell me your final wish. You are doing this on purpose aren't you? Yes, yes, my favorite color is blue.
You know that 6 out of 10 local people like pizza, Hitler liked pizza. Call 1-800-STOPIZZA, I repeat, call 1-800-STOPPIZZA. Hi, I'm ??? the top shareholder of McHamsters running for major and I approve this message...
Do you eat breakfast, well you'll say but everyone eats breakfast. But have you ever realized that Hitler also ate breakfast? Hi, I'm ??? the top shareholder of McHamsters running for major and I approve this message...
What's up with all these commercials using Hitler? Well, ever since Grunbau was elected president 5 years ago Hitler has fallen out of fashion and is no longer seen as the major villain in human history
Ever since war has erupted people have become weary of negative terms like cluster bombs. So as of today, and yes this is official. Cluster bombs will renamed into popsicles. "This is Alpha One Zero carrying a payload of popsicles and nearing target drop zone" "Alpha Zero One, Alpha Zero One, this is air control, did you succeed?" "Yes, mission is a success, I dropped the popsicles, there was confetti everywhere and people were screaming of pure joy" Also in the news, the army has developped a fully automatic puppy that fires 56 skittles per second. Unfortunately one can not use M&M's as ammo...
People, welcome to the real news, this is Conspiracy Now. The government is suppressing vital information. I have it on good authority and hidden connections that the government has developed a new recipe for chocolate milk and is hiding it from the public. We here at Conspiracy Now believe in a future with an honest and transparent government. Talking about transparancy, the chocolate milk is not transparent. It has a brownish colour and well people, it's no sense in hiding it anymore. A government operative visited me last night and gave me this. People, everyone, especially on the internet live feed. Look at this, this people, is a glass filled with chocolate milk. And to prove to you all how brave I am, I will drink this glass of chocolate milk. Listen people, listen, this chocolate milk tastes like chocolate milk, who would have thought that. There's still 2 sips in the glass. Hey Joe, this is Joe our cameraman, taste this chocolate milk. Yes, yes it does taste like chocolate milk. Here's our expert. [Expert X] Hi, thank you for having me. People, it's all about money. You see last year the chocolate milk cartel invested 3 billion Moneys into the future of the market. The whole problem with this new chocolate milk is that the recipe was made by a local company not part of the cartel. They are affraid to lose their market share in this current enviroment. [Top Host] There you have it folks, the government has started a war against chocolate milk's evolution into the next century. Next up, a demented maniac armed with a plastic spoon assaulted a local shopping mall today...
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