Conspiracy Now & Commercial Break [080319-01]

[Announcer] Welcome to Conspiracy Now, here's your host!! [Talon] Good afternoon people, we have something serious on our hands, here's a caller with the inside story! [Caller] It's all hamster this hamster that lately, did people forget chickens are still airborne, and how are they getting their hands on f***ing sidewinders. Yes, motherf***ing sidewinders, can you explain that to me. [Talon] I can't and that's the problem. [Caller] Since the heavy cows fell out of the sky because of the Genetically Engineered Housecat Virus people came to their death do to sheer gravity. And since then there has been little focus about the chickens, so someone please focus on the chickens the real problem lies there. [Talon] I'm affraid I have to agree with you, people, please look out for the chickens. If you see a chicken, please call 1-800-CONSPIRACY and we will get right on it, that is 1-800-CONSPIRACY...

[Chinese man who voices the commercial] Out now, special social program we subsidize, Fook Yoo Children!! [High Pitched Gangster] What the hell F*** My Children??? [Chinese man who voices the commercial] Yes Fook Yoo Children!!! Only 1.99 a month!!!

[White Male] My white skin reflects my bleak outlook on life!!! [Dark Skinned Male] My brown skin reflects my dark outlook on life... [Concerned Male Doctor Voice] Hi, do you or your loved ones have either a bleak or dark outlook on life, order the I'm Happy Regardless drug for only 17.99 a bottle, call 1-800-HAPPYDRUG, that is 1-800-HAPPYDRUG

[Announcer] Later in News Tonight, The HappyDrug corporation has been sued for eleven billion dollars, Don't miss it!!!


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