News Today [081519-03]

[Talon] Am I live? I'm live, okay. Now don't get all excited people, but I hear Jimmy is comming out of the hospital in a short while. We are eagerly awaiting his return!!!

[Announcer] Welcome to News Today, here's your favorite host!!! [Talon] Good afternoon and once again welcome, Chaniqua has it all and by that I do not only mean her physique. [Chaniqua] Well it seems the chickens were successful in saving their royal egg, here's the audio footage...[Chicken Beta] The egg is in the hatchroom, I repeat the egg is in the hatch room. Chicken Alpha was succesfull. This was chicken Beta at home base, all is well. [AC] This is air control, mission was successfull, I repeat, the mission was a success. Bring out the chickenfeed, I mean Victorymeal... *chickens cheering* [Talon] There you have it people, the royal chicken egg is safely procured and saved by the UCA, the United Chicken Alliance. Thanks Chaniqua!! And now we switch to a story that will truly amaze you. You see, this story is being written as we speak. It's appearing live on my teleprompter... Something about squirrels, yada yada, something about gophers intermarrying with moles... Sorry people, I can't do this live, I just can't do this live goddammit... Cut off the feed, cut off the feed now you blabbering idiot acting like a cameraman... *feed cuts off* [Announcer] Please stay tuned as we are experiencing technical difficulties...


Commercial Break:

[Soundbite] Doc, I think I just shot my dog, can we go back to the past. No Martin, but we can go back to the present. No Martin, but we can go forward. Forwards backwards to the ever unfolding present. [Announcer] Forward To The Present airs tonight, don't miss it!!!

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