News Tonight & Olympic News [072719-02]

[Announcer] Welcome to News Tonight, here's your host!! [Talon] Good evening, today we have a continueation of our progressing coverage about the mental patient who alledgedly served our local major tea with only 2 lumps of suger. Chaniqua? [Chaniqua] Yeah I'm here whitey, anyways I'm in the nearby village now, Yeah I know they would like to call it a town, but I say village. Apparently the escaped mental patient tried to offer the major of this village, coffee. [Talon] Coffee? Coffee?? Coffee??? Of all the beverages in the world he dared to service the major with gods black liquid. Someone put a stop to this. [Chaniqua] I know right, Starbucks won't like this one bit. [Talon] More on this later, right now I'm getting a cup of coffee since some nice man downstores is offering it for free at the moment. Be back in five...

[Announcer] Welcome to Olympic News, here's your host... [Talon] Welcome to the very best coverage about olympic news. Tonight we bring your the newest experiment in sports, turtle surfing. [Chaniqua] Those poor animals, one thing though, they taste lovely!! Ate one on vacation. Anyways, the sport was not a success as the contestants threw their turtles into the ocean and jumped on them. Turns out turtles can breathe underwater and the contestants couldn't. Many contestants died as the medical helicopters were being used for the event called Helicopter Sword Fighting which through unknown was found itself again in the optional Olypic Events. [Talon] Great reporting Chaniqua, even though it had a dark outlook. We now turn to a story about midget throwing, is it ethical???

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