News Today [073119-01]

[Soundbite] Hmmm, that's some tasty babi pangan
[Chinese man who voices the commercial] Welcome, Fook Yoo, is lowering food prices this month only, remember Fook Yoo

[Announcer] Welcome to News Today, here's your host!! [Talon] A local man ran naked through the streets this afternoon, he did not invent anything  like Galileo and there were no spiders or mice in his bathroom. Chaniqua, what can you tell us? [Chaniqua] Apparently his wife forgot to buy new toiletpaper and he just got out of the shower in order to poop. [Talon] Poop? [Chaniqua] Yes poop, he kept shouting I need TP for my bunghole. All is well now since he found toilet paper 3 doors over. People who saw him naked are getting psychiatric care... [Talon] That's a, well, unique story. And now we switch to a hysterical Harry Potter that claims to be a real magician wielding a cardboard enviroment friendly drinking straw...

[Announcer] Did your cat die on you and you're filled with feelings of mourning, call 1-800-ORDERKITTY for a replacement today. [Disclaimer voice] Safety of the kitty is not guaranteed during transport!!

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